240+ Valentine’s day jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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240+ Valentine’s day jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card go to school? Because it wanted to be well-read!
  2. What did the octopus say to its Valentine? I’m a sucker for you!
  3. Why did the computer break up with its Valentine? It just couldn’t find its heart (or its CTRL+Z)!
  4. What did the pencil say to its Valentine? You’re write for me!
  5. Why did the tomato turn red on Valentine’s Day? It saw the salad dressing!
  6. What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love being in your light!
  7. Why did the Valentine’s Day candy go to school? Because it wanted to be a smartie!
  8. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? Stick with me, and we’ll go places!
  9. Why was the math book sad on Valentine’s Day? It had too many problems!
  10. What did the grape say to its Valentine? You’re grape, Valentine!
  11. Why did the teddy bear say no to a date on Valentine’s Day? It was stuffed!
  12. Why did the Valentine’s Day card get a speeding ticket? It was caught in a rush of emotion!
  13. What did the bee say to its Valentine? Bee mine forever!
  14. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake break up with its partner? It just couldn’t find the sweet spot!
  15. What did the clock say to its Valentine? You make my heart go tick-tock!
  16. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon refuse to talk about its feelings? It didn’t want to burst into tears!
  17. What did the calculator say to its Valentine? You can count on me!
  18. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle feel lonely? It couldn’t find its flame-mate!
  19. What did the flower say to its Valentine? I’m blossoming with love for you!
  20. Why did the Valentine’s Day card hide its true feelings? It was too shy to confess!
  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card break up with its envelope? It said, “I need more space!”
  2. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its wrapper? “You make me melt!”
  3. Why was the Valentine’s Day date at the bakery so awkward? Because they couldn’t stop loafing around!
  4. What did the Valentine’s Day balloon say to its partner? “I’m inflated with love for you!”
  5. Why did the Valentine’s Day flower feel unappreciated? Because it felt like it was just a bud to its partner!
  6. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle refuse to go out on a date? It said, “I’m already lit, darling!”
  7. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to its envelope? “Sealed with a kiss, but sent with postage!”
  8. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake go to therapy? It had too many layers of emotional baggage!
  9. What did the Valentine’s Day teddy bear say to its partner? “I love you beary much!”
  10. Why did the Valentine’s Day cookie break up with its partner? It said, “You’re too crumbly for me!”
  11. What did the Valentine’s Day sock say to its mate? “We’re a perfect pair!”
  12. Why did the Valentine’s Day chocolate feel nervous? Because it was afraid its partner might find someone sweeter!
  13. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the fridge? “You’re so cool, Valentine!”
  14. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon blush? Because it was filled with hot air from all the compliments!
  15. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to the other candy? “Let’s stick together like glue!”
  16. Why did the Valentine’s Day flower break up with its partner? It said, “I’m tired of being taken for granted, I deserve to be petalled like a queen!”
  17. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the pen? “You complete me!”
  18. Why was the Valentine’s Day card so brave? Because it had a lot of heart!
  19. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its partner? “You’re the sweetest thing in my life, hands down!”
  20. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon refuse to argue? It didn’t want to burst their bubble of love!

  1. Why did the mathematician break up with their Valentine? Because they realized their relationship wasn’t adding up!
  2. What did the grape say to its Valentine? “You’re vine-tastic!”
  3. Why did the Valentine’s Day card get arrested? Because it was guilty of stealing hearts!
  4. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake go to therapy? Because it had too many layers of unresolved feelings!
  5. What did the Valentine’s Day flower say to the bee? “I’m pollen for you!”
  6. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle go to couples therapy? Because it couldn’t keep the flame alive!
  7. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to the wrapper? “You complete me!”
  8. Why did the Valentine’s Day card file a police report? It was a victim of breaking and entering hearts!
  9. What did the clock say to its Valentine? “You’re timeless!”
  10. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon blush? Because it was filled with love gas!
  11. What did the Valentine’s Day cookie say to its partner? “You’re one smart cookie!”
  12. Why did the Valentine’s Day card enroll in a gym? To work on its heart strength!
  13. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its friend? “Life is like a box of chocolates, but you’re the sweetest!”
  14. Why did the Valentine’s Day date go to the art museum? Because they heard love is a masterpiece!
  15. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the pen? “You make my words come to life!”
  16. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle feel lonely? It was feeling wick-ed!
  17. What did the Valentine’s Day balloon say to the needle? “You really know how to burst my bubble!”
  18. Why did the Valentine’s Day card become a comedian? Because it had a knack for punch lines!
  19. What did the Valentine’s Day flower say to its partner? “You’re the petals to my stem!”
  20. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake go to the therapist? Because it had a lot of emotional layers to peel back!
  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card blush? It saw its envelope in lingerie!
  2. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its partner? “You’re irresistible!”
  3. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon refuse to argue? It didn’t want to let the air out of their relationship!
  4. What did the Valentine’s Day cake say to its frosting? “You complete me!”
  5. Why did the Valentine’s Day card go to the doctor? It had a case of heartburn!
  6. What did the Valentine’s Day candle say to its flame? “You light up my life!”
  7. Why did the Valentine’s Day flower go to school? It wanted to be a bud-ding scholar!
  8. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to the wrapper? “I’m sweet on you!”
  9. Why did the Valentine’s Day date go to the zoo? They heard lovebirds were tweeting!
  10. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the mailbox? “I’ve got a special delivery for you!”
  11. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon break up with its partner? They were always full of hot air!
  12. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its friend? “Let’s stick together like glue!”
  13. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake feel nervous? It was afraid of getting baked!
  14. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the pen? “You make my words come to life!”
  15. Why did the Valentine’s Day flower feel shy? It was petal-ing its emotions!
  16. What did the Valentine’s Day candle say to the match? “You ignite my passion!”
  17. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon feel deflated? It couldn’t find its string-mate!
  18. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to its partner? “We’re a perfect match!”
  19. Why did the Valentine’s Day card enroll in a dance class? It wanted to learn the cha-cha-cha of love!
  20. What did the Valentine’s Day cake say to the oven? “You bake me crazy!”

  1. Once upon a time, in the heart-shaped kingdom of Valentinia, there lived a pair of socks named Socky and Soxie. They were deeply in love and had been together since the day they were knitted. As Valentine’s Day approached, Socky decided to surprise Soxie with a romantic dinner.

    He carefully planned everything, from the menu (a special blend of cotton candy and silk spaghetti) to the ambiance (soft jazz music playing in the background). When Soxie arrived home from work, she was greeted by the sweet aroma of love in the air.

    “Oh, Socky, what’s all this?” Soxie exclaimed, her eyes twinkling with delight.

    “It’s a surprise, my darling,” replied Socky, wiggling his toes nervously. “I wanted to show you just how much you mean to me on this special day.”

    They sat down at the table, holding hands (or rather, holding feet), and enjoyed their romantic meal together. As they savored each bite of cotton candy and slurp of silk spaghetti, they reminisced about their favorite moments together.

    After dinner, Socky reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. “Soxie, my love, will you be my sole mate forever?” he asked, his voice trembling with emotion.

    Tears welled up in Soxie’s eyes as she nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” she cried, throwing her arms (or rather, her cuffs) around Socky in a tight embrace.

    And so, in the heart-shaped kingdom of Valentinia, Socky and Soxie celebrated their love on Valentine’s Day, knowing that they were truly made for each other from the tips of their toes to the heels of their hearts.

  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card get detention? Because it was caught passing love notes!
  2. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to the wrapper? “You’re sweet on the outside and inside!”
  3. Why was the Valentine’s Day heart so happy? Because it was filled with love!
  4. What did one Valentine’s Day balloon say to the other? “You lift me up!”
  5. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake go to school? It wanted to be a heart-rob!
  6. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the pencil? “You draw me in!”
  7. Why did the Valentine’s Day flower blush? Because it was feeling rosy-cheeked!
  8. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to the other candy? “We’re mint to be together!”
  9. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon feel light-headed? Because it was floating on cloud nine!
  10. What did the Valentine’s Day cookie say to its friend? “We make a great batch!”
  11. Why was the Valentine’s Day card so popular? Because it had a lot of heart!
  12. What did the Valentine’s Day teddy bear say to its friend? “You’re un-bear-ably cute!”
  13. Why was the Valentine’s Day date so excited? Because it had a crush on the calendar!
  14. What did the Valentine’s Day candle say to the match? “You light up my life!”
  15. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake feel nervous? Because it had butterflies in its stomach!
  16. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the envelope? “You’re the perfect package!”
  17. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon refuse to argue? It didn’t want to burst their bubble of love!
  18. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to its partner? “We’re a perfect match!”
  19. Why was the Valentine’s Day flower so happy? Because it was blooming with love!
  20. What did the Valentine’s Day cookie say to its friend? “You’re one smart cookie!”

  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle suggest a threesome? Because it wanted to spice things up!
  2. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its partner? “Let’s get melted together.”
  3. Why did the Valentine’s Day card prefer online dating? Because it was tired of being handled by strangers in stores!
  4. What did the Valentine’s Day lingerie say to its wearer? “You fill me out perfectly!”
  5. Why did the Valentine’s Day wine break up with its partner? It couldn’t handle the cork-blocking!
  6. What did the Valentine’s Day roses say to the bedroom? “We’re ready to bloom!”
  7. Why did the Valentine’s Day couple go to the gym? Because they wanted to work on their physical connection!
  8. What did the Valentine’s Day candle say to the massage oil? “Let’s create some friction!”
  9. Why did the Valentine’s Day card hire a lawyer? Because it was accused of stealing hearts!
  10. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to the whipped cream? “Let’s get kinky!”
  11. Why did the Valentine’s Day date book a hotel room? Because they wanted to check in to Heartbreak Hotel!
  12. What did the Valentine’s Day rose say to its lover? “I’m thorny, but I promise it’s worth it!”
  13. Why did the Valentine’s Day couple bring handcuffs to dinner? Because they wanted to add a little spice to their relationship!
  14. What did the Valentine’s Day lingerie say to the mirror? “Reflect on how hot I look!”
  15. Why did the Valentine’s Day chocolate file for divorce? Because it was tired of being taken for granted!
  16. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the bed? “You’re where the magic happens!”
  17. Why did the Valentine’s Day date go to the adult store? They wanted to explore new territories!
  18. What did the Valentine’s Day wine say to the glass? “Let’s make a toast to us!”
  19. Why did the Valentine’s Day couple bring a feather to bed? They wanted to tickle each other’s fancies!
  20. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to the strawberries? “Let’s dip into something sweet!”
  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card go to school? Because it wanted to be well-read!
  2. What did one Valentine’s Day balloon say to the other? “You take my breath away!”
  3. Why did the Valentine’s Day chocolate feel sad? Because it had a broken heart (shaped box)!
  4. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the envelope? “I’m stuck on you!”
  5. Why did the Valentine’s Day date go to the gym? Because it wanted to work on its heart rate!
  6. What did the Valentine’s Day flower say to its partner? “You’re blooming lovely!”
  7. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake go to therapy? It had too many layers of feelings!
  8. What did the Valentine’s Day candle say to the match? “You light up my life!”
  9. Why did the Valentine’s Day card enroll in a cooking class? It wanted to be more than just a sweet talker!
  10. What did the Valentine’s Day chocolate say to its friend? “Life is like a box of chocolates, but you’re the sweetest!”
  11. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon blush? Because it was filled with love gas!
  12. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the pen? “You make my words come to life!”
  13. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake feel nervous? Because it had butterflies in its stomach!
  14. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to the wrapper? “You complete me!”
  15. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon refuse to argue? It didn’t want to let the air out of their relationship!
  16. What did the Valentine’s Day flower say to its partner? “You’re the petals to my stem!”
  17. Why did the Valentine’s Day card get a speeding ticket? It was caught in a rush of emotion!
  18. What did the Valentine’s Day cookie say to its partner? “You’re one smart cookie!”
  19. Why was the Valentine’s Day balloon so happy? It was floating on cloud nine!
  20. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the mailbox? “I’ve got a special delivery for you!”

  1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card blush? Because it saw its envelope in lingerie!
  2. What did the Valentine’s Day cheese say to its partner? “You make me melt!”
  3. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake feel shy? Because it had layers of emotion!
  4. What did the Valentine’s Day bread say to the butter? “You’re my better half!”
  5. Why did the Valentine’s Day tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  6. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to its wrapper? “You’ve wrapped me around your finger!”
  7. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle feel romantic? Because it was in a committed relationship with its flame!
  8. What did the Valentine’s Day clock say to its lover? “Our love is timeless!”
  9. Why did the Valentine’s Day balloon feel inflated with love? Because it found its perfect match!
  10. What did the Valentine’s Day flower say to its admirer? “I’m blooming with love for you!”
  11. Why did the Valentine’s Day cake break up with its partner? It said, “Our relationship is crumbly at best!”
  12. What did the Valentine’s Day candy say to the chocolate? “We’re a sweet pair!”
  13. Why did the Valentine’s Day card go to therapy? Because it had a lot of unresolved feelings!
  14. What did the Valentine’s Day cheese say to its friend? “You’re grate!”
  15. Why did the Valentine’s Day candle feel hot? Because it was burning with desire!
  16. What did the Valentine’s Day bread say to the jelly? “We’re the perfect spread!”
  17. Why did the Valentine’s Day pizza feel loved? Because it was covered in hugs and kisses!
  18. What did the Valentine’s Day clock say to its partner? “You’re always on my mind!”
  19. Why did the Valentine’s Day cheese feel like a star? Because it was gouda-nough for the leading role!
  20. What did the Valentine’s Day sandwich say to its lover? “You complete me between two slices!”

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