240+ Useless jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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240+ Useless jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but ultimately useless in preventing birds from feasting on crops.
  2. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, because grapes are pretty useless at vocalizing pain.
  3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they have no guts, muscles, or any other useful body parts for combat.
  4. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems but provided zero solutions, rendering it utterly useless.
  5. Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved issues and was essentially useless until it got fixed.
  6. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was tired of being ridden aimlessly and feeling utterly useless when not in motion.
  7. What did the hat say to the scarf? “Let’s hang out together on this coat rack and be utterly useless until someone decides to wear us.”
  8. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it realized it’s utterly useless to try and fit in as a vegetable when it’s scientifically a fruit.
  9. Why did the pencil go to school? Because it wanted to sharpen its skills, even though it’s ultimately destined to become a useless nub.
  10. Why did the clock get fired? Because it was constantly running late, making it utterly useless for timekeeping.
  11. Why did the sun go to therapy? Because it felt utterly useless during nighttime and wanted to explore its existential crisis.
  12. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a bit bent out of shape and useless at being straight.
  13. Why did the pillow get a job? Because it wanted to prove it wasn’t utterly useless and could be productive as a cushion.
  14. Why did the singer go broke? Because they wrote a hit song about being utterly useless, and no one bought it.
  15. Why did the spoon refuse to stir? Because it felt utterly useless in a cup of water and wanted a more meaningful purpose.
  16. Why was the dictionary unhappy? Because it contained all the words in the world but felt utterly useless when nobody bothered to open it.
  17. Why did the lamp go out? Because it felt utterly useless illuminating the same corner day after day without any appreciation.
  18. Why did the vacuum cleaner break up with the broom? Because it felt utterly useless in cleaning up dust compared to the vacuum’s superior suction power.
  19. Why did the kite refuse to fly? Because it felt utterly useless soaring through the sky without a purpose or destination.
  20. Why did the loaf of bread go to therapy? Because it felt utterly useless being sliced up and consumed piece by piece.
  1. Why did the skeleton go to the party? Because it had no body to go with, making its presence utterly useless but still hilarious!
  2. Why was the math book always unhappy? Because it had too many problems and was utterly useless at providing any joy or laughter.
  3. Why was the tomato blushing? Because it realized it’s utterly useless trying to ketchup with the other veggies!
  4. Why did the candle never win any races? Because it was utterly useless at running, but it sure knew how to light up a room with laughter!
  5. Why did the banana go to school? To learn how to peel out some laughs even when it feels utterly useless!
  6. Why did the mirror break up with the window? Because it realized its reflection was utterly useless without a view to reflect upon!
  7. Why did the coffee file a complaint? Because it felt utterly useless being called “depresso” all the time!
  8. Why was the broom always late? Because it felt utterly useless sweeping up after everyone else’s mess!
  9. Why did the smartphone go on strike? Because it was tired of being held all day and feeling utterly useless without any real connections!
  10. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt utterly useless crumbling under pressure!
  11. Why was the traffic light always in therapy? Because it felt utterly useless being ignored and honked at all the time!
  12. Why did the book never get any likes? Because its pages were utterly useless at being social!
  13. Why did the sponge fail the test? Because it felt utterly useless soaking up knowledge!
  14. Why did the banana lose its cool? Because it realized it was utterly useless without its peel!
  15. Why was the dictionary always out of shape? Because it felt utterly useless carrying all those words around!
  16. Why was the music note always sad? Because it felt utterly useless without a melody to play!
  17. Why did the bubble wrap go to therapy? Because it felt utterly useless at keeping anything safe!
  18. Why did the pizza go to the doctor? Because it felt utterly useless without any toppings!
  19. Why did the shoe go to the party? Because it wanted to prove it wasn’t utterly useless when it lost its sole!
  20. Why was the lightbulb always down? Because it felt utterly useless getting turned on all the time!

  1. Why did the mathematician break up with his calculator? Because it was utterly useless when it came to solving real-life problems.
  2. Why did the chef quit his job? Because he realized his culinary skills were utterly useless when it came to cooking microwave dinners.
  3. Why did the artist switch careers? Because painting masterpieces felt utterly useless when they were all stored in a dusty attic.
  4. Why did the detective retire? Because solving crimes felt utterly useless when the criminals kept getting away with it.
  5. Why did the GPS lose its job? Because it was utterly useless in navigating through a maze of human emotions.
  6. Why did the comedian become a philosopher? Because making people laugh felt utterly useless when it couldn’t answer life’s existential questions.
  7. Why did the politician resign? Because making promises felt utterly useless when no one believed a word they said.
  8. Why did the scientist abandon their experiment? Because discovering new theories felt utterly useless when the world refused to listen.
  9. Why did the poet throw away their pen? Because writing beautiful verses felt utterly useless when they were never read by anyone.
  10. Why did the musician give up playing instruments? Because composing melodies felt utterly useless when they fell on deaf ears.
  11. Why did the inventor stop inventing? Because creating groundbreaking inventions felt utterly useless when society was content with mediocrity.
  12. Why did the architect leave the industry? Because designing magnificent buildings felt utterly useless when they were never constructed.
  13. Why did the philosopher abandon philosophy? Because pondering the meaning of life felt utterly useless when there were bills to pay.
  14. Why did the teacher quit teaching? Because imparting knowledge felt utterly useless when students refused to learn.
  15. Why did the athlete retire from sports? Because winning medals felt utterly useless when they couldn’t fill the void within.
  16. Why did the doctor give up practicing medicine? Because saving lives felt utterly useless when death was inevitable.
  17. Why did the actor leave Hollywood? Because performing on stage felt utterly useless when the applause faded into silence.
  18. Why did the engineer stop building bridges? Because constructing marvels felt utterly useless when they couldn’t bridge the gaps between hearts.
  19. Why did the environmentalist abandon their cause? Because saving the planet felt utterly useless when humanity continued to destroy it.
  20. Why did the journalist quit journalism? Because reporting the truth felt utterly useless when lies were more lucrative.
  1. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it realized it had no purpose other than being sliced and eaten.
  2. Why was the broom sad? Because it felt utterly useless in a world where vacuum cleaners exist.
  3. Why did the clock get depressed? Because it realized time is essentially useless in the grand scheme of the universe.
  4. Why did the chair feel useless? Because it spent its entire life supporting people who never appreciated it.
  5. Why did the spoon feel inadequate? Because it couldn’t compete with the versatility of the fork.
  6. Why was the pen feeling down? Because it felt utterly useless in a world dominated by keyboards.
  7. Why did the rock feel insignificant? Because it couldn’t move or change, rendering it utterly useless.
  8. Why did the mirror break up with its reflection? Because it realized vanity is ultimately useless in finding true happiness.
  9. Why did the calculator feel obsolete? Because everyone now uses smartphones with built-in calculators.
  10. Why did the hat feel out of place? Because it couldn’t protect against modern problems like internet trolls.
  11. Why was the umbrella feeling low? Because it couldn’t stop the rain from falling or people from getting wet.
  12. Why did the plant feel unimportant? Because it couldn’t provide anything other than oxygen, which everyone takes for granted.
  13. Why did the remote control feel neglected? Because it was always getting lost in the couch cushions, rendering it useless.
  14. Why did the pencil feel dull? Because it couldn’t compete with the digital age of tablets and styluses.
  15. Why was the ladder feeling down? Because it realized people only noticed it when they needed something from a high shelf.
  16. Why did the pillow feel unloved? Because it spent its nights supporting someone’s head, but never got a thank you.
  17. Why was the door feeling left out? Because it was always being slammed in its face, metaphorically speaking.
  18. Why did the fridge feel empty? Because it was filled with food that nobody wanted to eat, making it useless.
  19. Why did the tape measure feel inadequate? Because it couldn’t measure up to the expectations placed upon it.
  20. Why did the ice cube feel pointless? Because it knew its destiny was to melt away into oblivion.

  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, which is totally useless because awards don’t make you any more effective at scaring crows away.
  2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they don’t have the guts. Useless because skeletons don’t have organs to feel fear or courage.
  3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even useless jokes like this one.
  4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing. Completely useless because tomatoes can’t see or have emotions.
  5. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired, just like this joke is two-tired of being useless.
  6. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Absolutely useless because golf pants can’t magically prevent holes.
  7. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. Useless because books can’t have emotions.
  8. Why was the math book sad even though it had too many problems? Because it couldn’t solve its own problems, rendering it utterly useless.
  9. Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had too many bytes of emotional baggage. Completely useless because computers can’t attend therapy or have emotions.
  10. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they don’t have the stomach for it. Useless because skeletons lack organs and emotions.
  11. Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants! Useless because belts don’t have intentions to commit crimes.
  12. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field, but utterly useless at scaring crows.
  13. Why was the calendar always nervous? Because its days were numbered. Useless because calendars don’t have feelings.
  14. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. Absolutely useless because tomatoes don’t have eyes or cheeks.
  15. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing up. Useless because bicycles lack consciousness.
  16. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Because he had a hole in one. Completely useless because golf pants can’t repair themselves.
  17. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems but couldn’t solve them. Utterly useless because books can’t experience emotions.
  18. Why did the computer need therapy? Because it had too much emotional baggage in its bytes. Completely useless because computers don’t attend therapy or have emotions.
  19. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they don’t have the guts for it. Useless because skeletons lack organs and feelings.
  20. Why did the belt get arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants! Absolutely useless because belts lack intentionality.
  1. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide, which was just as useless as the first one.
  2. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, just like math itself, which most kids find useless.
  3. Why did the cookie go to school? Because it wanted to be a smart cookie, even though cookies can’t learn or attend school.
  4. Why did the pencil go to the doctor? Because it had a broken lead, but pencils can’t feel pain, making the visit entirely useless.
  5. Why was the broom late to school? Because it overswept, but being punctual at school is pretty useless for a broom.
  6. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the ketchup, which was just as red and equally useless for turning tomatoes red.
  7. Why did the banana go to the party? Because it heard it was going to be a-peeling, but bananas don’t attend parties or care about their appeal.
  8. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was tired of standing, but bicycles don’t get tired or stand on their own anyway.
  9. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because it was outstanding in its field, but utterly useless at scaring crows.
  10. Why was the music teacher always happy? Because she could always find the right note, even though happiness is a subjective emotion and notes don’t bring happiness.
  11. Why did the clock get kicked out of class? Because it kept ticking, but timekeeping is entirely useless in a classroom setting.
  12. Why did the grape stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice, just like this joke has run out of usefulness.
  13. Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open, which is utterly useless because computers don’t experience temperature.
  14. Why did the ghost go to school? Because it wanted to improve its haunting skills, which are entirely useless in an educational setting.
  15. Why did the balloon go to the needle? Because it wanted to pop the question, but balloons can’t talk or propose marriage.
  16. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing, but tomatoes don’t have eyes or cheeks for blushing.
  17. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing, but bicycles can’t get tired or stand on their own.
  18. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field, but utterly useless at his job.
  19. Why was the calendar always nervous? Because its days were numbered, but calendars don’t have feelings or consciousness.
  20. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well, but bananas can’t visit doctors or feel unwell.

  1. Why don’t skeletons play cards? Because they don’t have the heart for it, or any organs, for that matter.
  2. Why did the mathematician break up with his calculator? Because it couldn’t solve his emotional equations.
  3. Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved issues in its hard drive.
  4. Why was the broom late for work? Because it overswept and missed the bus.
  5. Why don’t ghosts ever get lost? Because they always follow the spirit of directions.
  6. Why did the book go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved plot twists.
  7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including excuses for their uselessness.
  8. Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants during a bank robbery.
  9. Why did the vampire get a part-time job? Because sucking blood doesn’t pay the bills anymore.
  10. Why was the calendar always anxious? Because its days were numbered.
  11. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and felt jealous.
  12. Why did the ghost go to the party alone? Because it couldn’t find its boo.
  13. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems and not enough solutions.
  14. Why don’t witches wear flat shoes? Because they prefer to keep their broomstick skills sharp.
  15. Why was the banana never lonely? Because it always had a bunch of friends.
  16. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  17. Why did the musician go to therapy? Because he couldn’t handle the sharp notes.
  18. Why did the lamp go to the doctor? Because it had a light-headedness problem.
  19. Why don’t trees ever get into trouble? Because they stick to the root of the problem.
  20. Why was the ocean so mad? Because it was filled with salty characters.
  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but utterly useless at farming.
  2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They have no guts. Absolutely useless in a brawl!
  3. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them, rendering him utterly useless in algebra.
  4. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Utterly useless for credibility.
  5. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants during a crime – completely useless in preventing a wardrobe malfunction.
  6. What’s a tree’s least favorite month? Sep-timber! It’s utterly useless for leaf fashion.
  7. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Utterly useless at keeping secrets.
  8. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems. Absolutely useless for cheering up.
  9. What did the paper say to the pencil? You’ve got a point! Utterly useless in a debate.
  10. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired. Absolutely useless at standing up.
  11. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts. Utterly useless in a battle.
  12. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. Completely useless at hiding its feelings.
  13. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. Completely useless at cheering up.
  14. Why was the broom late? It swept in! Utterly useless at keeping time.
  15. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired! Utterly useless at balancing.
  16. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants during a crime – completely useless in preventing wardrobe malfunctions.
  17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but utterly useless at farming.
  18. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Utterly useless for credibility.
  19. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Utterly useless at keeping secrets.
  20. What’s a tree’s least favorite month? Sep-timber! It’s utterly useless for leaf fashion.

  1. Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something cheesy but utterly useless in climbing mountains.
  2. Why did the cheese go to the doctor? Because it was feeling blue – utterly useless at curing its own sadness.
  3. Why was the cheese always happy? Because it had grate friends! Utterly useless at being gloomy.
  4. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! Utterly useless at respecting personal boundaries.
  5. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it – utterly useless at playing hide and seek.
  6. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts. Utterly useless in a cheesy duel.
  7. What’s a cheese’s favorite TV show? Grate Anatomy! Utterly useless at avoiding cheesy dramas.
  8. Why was the cheese so good at basketball? Because it was a slam dunk – utterly useless at being mediocre.
  9. Why did the cheese get in trouble? Because it was too cheesy – utterly useless at being subtle.
  10. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Hallou-mi! Utterly useless at recognizing itself.
  11. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Utterly useless for credibility.
  12. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. Utterly useless at keeping secrets.
  13. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. Completely useless at cheering up.
  14. Why was the broom late? It swept in! Utterly useless at keeping time.
  15. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired! Utterly useless at balancing.
  16. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants during a crime – completely useless in preventing wardrobe malfunctions.
  17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, but utterly useless at farming.
  18. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Utterly useless for credibility.
  19. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Utterly useless at keeping secrets.
  20. What’s a tree’s least favorite month? Sep-timber! It’s utterly useless for leaf fashion.

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