- Why did the taxi driver break up with his GPS? Because it kept saying, “Make a U-turn when possible,” but he couldn’t U-turn his heart.
- What did the taxi driver say to the wolf who hailed his cab? “Where to, grandma’s house or the three little pigs’ place?”
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get lost? Because they always follow the street signs’ advice to “keep right”!
- How do taxi drivers stay cool during the summer? They roll down the windows and let the air con-job-it-ioning work its magic.
- Why don’t taxi drivers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re the one driving everyone around!
- What’s a taxi’s favorite type of music? Cabaret!
- Why did the taxi driver take up gardening? Because he wanted to see how fares grow!
- Why was the taxi driver such a great comedian? Because he had a fare sense of humor!
- What did the taxi say to the bicycle? “Why don’t you just wheelie understand the joy of four wheels?”
- Why did the taxi driver get into trouble at the airport? Because he kept insisting he was just “plane” old cab driver!
- Why don’t taxis ever get lonely? Because they always have fare-weather friends!
- Why did the taxi driver always carry a pencil? Because he loved to draw passengers’ attention!
- Why did the taxi driver carry a ladder in his cab? For his high-flying fares!
- Why was the taxi driver such a great artist? Because he knew all the right turns to make a masterpiece!
- Why did the taxi driver start a band? Because he wanted to pick up fares and tunes!
- Why did the taxi driver keep a dictionary in his cab? Because he loved to define his own routes!
- Why did the taxi driver join the soccer team? Because he loved to score goals… in destinations!
- Why did the taxi driver go to acting school? Because he wanted to be a cab-tor!
- Why did the taxi driver always carry a deck of cards? Because he loved to deal with traffic!
- Why did the taxi driver never get angry? Because he had a fare-ly calm demeanor!
- Why did the taxi driver wear a belt? Because he wanted to buckle up for the ride of his life!
- What did the taxi driver say to the ghost who wanted a ride? “Sorry, we only accept living passengers – no spirits allowed!”
- Why was the taxi driver always so cheerful? Because he had a fare-ocious sense of humor!
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get lost? Because their sense of direction is always “fare” and square!
- What do you call a taxi driver who moonlights as a chef? A cab-cuisine connoisseur!
- Why did the taxi driver become a magician? Because he could make traffic disappear… almost!
- Why don’t taxi drivers play hide and seek? Because they’re always in the driver’s seat!
- Why was the taxi driver so good at math? Because he could always count on his fares!
- What’s a taxi driver’s favorite type of joke? A curb-iously funny one!
- Why did the taxi driver become a gardener? Because he loved driving around with “planty” of passengers!
- Why was the taxi driver so popular at parties? Because he always knew how to drive up the excitement!
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get cold? Because they’re always in a fare-nheit!
- What’s a taxi’s favorite kind of movie? Anything with lots of “car” chases!
- Why did the taxi driver become a musician? Because he knew how to hit all the right “notes” on the road!
- Why did the taxi driver bring a map to the party? Because he wanted to show everyone his route to fun!
- Why was the taxi driver so good at telling jokes? Because he knew how to “steer” the conversation in the right direction!
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get bored? Because they’re always “drive”-en to entertain!
- What did the taxi driver say to the potato who tried to hitch a ride? “Sorry, we only take fare-ly passengers, not potatoes!”
- Why did the taxi driver start a dance troupe? Because he wanted to cha-cha-cha-charge his passengers with energy!
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever lose at poker? Because they always have aces up their sleeves… and a meter in their cars!
- Why did the taxi driver break up with his girlfriend? Because she kept saying, “You never take me anywhere!”
- What do you call a taxi that’s never on time? A procrastin-cab!
- Why did the mathematician take a taxi to work? Because he wanted to derive to his destination!
- Why did the ghost take a taxi? Because it wanted a fright fare!
- What do you call a taxi driver who only travels at night? A nocturne-cab!
- Why did the tomato refuse to get into the taxi? It said, “I’m not going to ketchup with you!”
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get angry? Because they know how to keep their meter cool!
- Why did the chicken take a taxi across the road? To avoid getting fried on the pavement!
- Why did the taxi driver go to therapy? Because he had too many fare-ily issues!
- What do you call a taxi driver who only listens to classical music? A Bach-seat driver!
- Why did the bicycle take a taxi? Because it was two-tired!
- What did the taxi driver say to the patient passenger? “I’m driven to make your ride as smooth as possible!”
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get lost? Because they always know the right turn to take!
- Why did the banana take a taxi? Because it couldn’t find a peel parking spot!
- Why did the smartphone take a taxi? Because it needed a quick charge!
- Why don’t taxi drivers ever get bored? Because every fare is a new adventure!
- Why did the snail take a taxi? Because it wanted to speed up its commute!
- What do you call a taxi driver who’s also a comedian? A stand-up chauffeur!
- Why did the vampire take a taxi? Because it didn’t want to get a stake through the heart on the subway!
- What do you call a taxi driver who’s also a magician? A cab-trickian!
- Why did the taxi driver get a job at the bakery? He heard they kneaded dough!
- What did the taxi driver say to the rude passenger? “I’m steering clear of your attitude!”
- Why did the ghost avoid taking a taxi? It couldn’t handle the boo-traffic!
- Why was the taxi driver such a good gardener? He had a knack for picking up fares!
- What did the taxi driver say to the iceberg? “You’re chilling, but I’m still on the fare!”
- Why did the chicken take a taxi? Because it didn’t want to be cooped up in the barn!
- What do you call a taxi driver who loves to dance? A cha-cha-chauffeur!
- Why did the tomato take a taxi? It didn’t want to end up in a salad!
- What do you call a taxi driver who’s also a chef? A drive-thru driver!
- Why did the astronaut take a taxi to space? Because it needed to catch a rocket!
- What did the taxi driver say to the musician? “I’m driving you to the symphony, let’s make some car-nival music!”
- Why did the ghost take a taxi to the séance? Because it wanted to avoid haunting the subway!
- What do you call a taxi driver who’s always in a rush? Acceler-a-cab!
- Why did the chicken get into the taxi with a suitcase? It was going on a clucking vacation!
- What do you call a taxi driver who’s also a writer? A novel-navigator!
- Why did the smartphone take a taxi? Because it didn’t want to lose its signal on the subway!
- What did the taxi driver say to the passenger who lost their wallet? “Looks like you’ll have to pay me in laughs!”
- Why did the vampire take a taxi? Because it wanted to avoid the garlic-infested streets!
- What do you call a taxi driver who’s always playing games? A mobile-arcade driver!
- Why did the banana take a taxi? It didn’t want to slip into the wrong hands!
- Why did the taxi driver bring a ladder to work?
Because he heard the business was picking up! - One day, a taxi driver picked up a passenger who was carrying a duck under his arm. The driver asked, “What’s with the duck?”
The passenger replied, “I’m taking him to the zoo.”
The next day, the driver sees the same passenger, still carrying the duck. He asks, “I thought you were taking him to the zoo yesterday?”
The passenger responds, “I did, and today we’re going to the movies!” - A taxi driver picked up a scientist who was carrying two large jars. Curious, the driver asked what was inside.
The scientist replied, “These jars contain the most dangerous substances known to humankind.”
Feeling uneasy, the driver asked, “Shouldn’t they be in a safer place?”
The scientist nodded, “That’s why I’m taking them to the lab.”
The driver, now sweating, asked, “And why are we going to the movies?” - Two taxi drivers were arguing about who had the toughest job.
The first one said, “I deal with traffic jams and rude passengers all day!”
The second driver laughed, “That’s nothing! I once had a passenger who couldn’t decide where he wanted to go. He kept changing his mind every block!”
The first driver chuckled, “You win. At least my passengers know where they want to go, even if I don’t!” - One rainy evening, a taxi driver picked up a young woman who was carrying a large, dripping bag. He asked her what was in it.
She replied, “Seafood.”
Feeling skeptical, the driver asked, “Are you sure?”
She nodded, “Yes, I caught it myself!” - A taxi driver picked up a physicist who wanted to go to the airport. Along the way, the physicist started explaining theories of relativity and quantum mechanics.
Finally, they arrived, and the fare was $20. The physicist handed the driver $10.
The driver protested, “But the fare is $20!”
The physicist smiled, “According to my theory of relativity, time and space are relative. From my perspective, we only traveled half the distance, so I’ll pay half the fare!” - Why did the taxi driver carry a dictionary with him?
Because he wanted to define his own destiny! - One day, a taxi driver picked up a genie who offered him three wishes.
The driver thought for a moment and said, “First, I wish for a never-ending supply of gas for my taxi.”
Poof! It was granted.
“Second,” the driver continued, “I wish for all the traffic lights to turn green whenever I approach.”
Poof! It was done.
As the genie waited for the third wish, the driver hesitated and said, “For my last wish, I wish I never picked up this fare!” - Two taxi drivers were discussing their passengers.
The first one said, “Yesterday, I had a passenger who was so quiet; I thought he was a ghost!”
The second driver chuckled, “That’s nothing! I had a passenger who talked so much; I thought he was a radio!” - Why did the taxi driver keep a map of the city under his pillow?
Because he wanted to dream of driving to success!
- Why was the math book sad after taking a taxi?
Because it couldn’t find its square root! - Why did the tomato refuse to ride in a taxi?
Because it wanted to stay off the sauce! - Why did the chicken cross the road in a taxi?
To prove it wasn’t a chicken, it was a passenger! - What did the baby corn say to the taxi driver?
“I’m just a little husk, can you please cob a deal on the fare?” - Why did the teddy bear take a taxi?
Because it wanted to avoid the grizzly walk! - Why did the ghost refuse to ride in a taxi?
Because it preferred to haunt the streets on foot! - Why did the smartphone take a taxi to school?
Because it didn’t want to miss the bus! - What did the cheese say to the taxi driver?
“Can you take me to my friend’s place? We’re fondue for a party!” - Why did the bicycle ride in a taxi?
Because it was tired of getting stuck in the spokes! - What did the crayon say to the taxi driver?
“Can you please draw me a map to my destination?” - Why did the butterfly take a taxi?
Because it wanted to skip the traffic jam and flutter away! - Why did the banana split the taxi fare with the orange?
Because they wanted to peel out of there together! - Why did the snowman take a taxi?
Because it didn’t want to get a frostbite waiting for the bus! - What did the clock say to the taxi driver?
“Can you drive faster? I’m ticking against the clock!” - Why did the elephant take a taxi?
Because it didn’t fit in the clown car! - Why did the pencil take a taxi?
Because it wanted to draw the shortest route! - What did the toy train say to the taxi driver?
“Can you choo-choo-se the quickest route, please?” - Why did the monster take a taxi to school?
Because it didn’t want to scare the other kids on the bus! - What did the apple say to the taxi driver?
“I’m not a bad apple, just trying to catch a ride to the orchard!” - Why did the robot take a taxi?
Because its battery was low, and it didn’t want to walk!
- Why did the taxi driver become a barber?
Because he knew how to give a good clip! - What’s the difference between a taxi driver and a magician?
A taxi driver only pulls out a rabbit if it’s in his fare! - Why did the tomato blush in the taxi?
Because it saw the meter and realized it was in for a juicy ride! - Why did the mathematician take a taxi to the party?
Because he heard there would be some good addition and subtraction! - Why did the banana refuse to pay the taxi fare?
Because it said, “I’m appealing to your sense of humor!” - Why did the lawyer take a taxi to court?
Because he knew it was the best way to get a fair trial! - What do you call a taxi driver who’s also a poet?
A meter reader! - Why did the smartphone take a taxi?
Because it wanted to avoid data overage charges! - Why did the ghost take a taxi to the séance?
Because it didn’t want to scare the other spirits by floating in late! - What did the cheese say to the taxi driver?
“You’re driving me fondue-lirious!” - Why did the chicken take a taxi to the party?
Because it didn’t want to lay eggs before it got there! - What do you call a taxi driver who’s always grumpy?
A cab-nagger! - Why did the vampire take a taxi to the blood bank?
Because it was too drained to fly! - What did the bacon say to the taxi driver?
“Can you drive a little faster? I’m sizzling with anticipation!” - Why did the mushroom take a taxi to the forest?
Because it wanted to join the fungi! - What did the coffee say to the taxi driver?
“Take me to the grind, I need a perk-up!” - Why did the bicycle take a taxi to the repair shop?
Because it didn’t want to get caught up in a cycle of repairs! - What did the pen say to the taxi driver?
“Can you please ink-lude the tip in the fare?” - Why did the book take a taxi to the library?
Because it heard they had a fine for overdue chapters! - What did the wine say to the taxi driver?
“I’ll need a ride home, but please don’t bottle it up!”
- Why did the taxi driver keep a plant in his cab?
Because he wanted to make sure he had a fare-y godmother! - What do you call a taxi that’s also a pirate?
A cab-arr! - Why did the tomato take a taxi?
Because it wanted to ketchup with its friends! - Why did the taxi driver go to school?
Because he wanted to be a ruler of the road! - What do you call a taxi driver who’s always sleepy?
A nap-tain! - Why did the chicken take a taxi to the football game?
Because it heard it was going to be egg-citing! - What did the egg say to the taxi driver?
“Omelette you drive!” - Why did the banana go to the taxi school?
Because it wanted to learn to peel out! - What do you call a taxi driver who’s always eating?
A snack-cab! - Why did the skeleton take a taxi?
Because it didn’t have the guts to walk! - What do you call a taxi driver who’s always telling jokes?
A pun-dit! - Why did the smartphone take a taxi to the party?
Because it heard there would be a lot of data transfer! - What did the coffee say to the taxi driver?
“Take me to the grind, I need a pick-me-up!” - Why did the potato take a taxi to the gym?
Because it didn’t want to get mashed on the way there! - What do you call a taxi driver who loves music?
A tunecab! - Why did the tomato take a taxi to the pizza parlor?
Because it wanted to catch a slice of the action! - What did the banana say to the taxi driver?
“I’m just a-peeling to get to my destination!” - Why did the bicycle take a taxi?
Because it was two-tired to ride! - What do you call a taxi driver who’s always grumpy?
A crab-nabber! - Why did the smartphone take a taxi to the repair shop?
Because it was having a bad connection!
- Why did the cheese take a taxi?
Because it wanted to go on a gouda adventure! - What do you call a cheesy taxi?
A Cab-rie! - Why did the cheese refuse to get out of the taxi?
Because it was afraid of getting grated! - Why did the cheese driver get promoted?
Because he was sharp behind the wheel! - What’s a cheese’s favorite taxi destination?
The Dairy Queen! - Why did the Swiss cheese take a taxi to the party?
Because it wanted to make everyone fondue of it! - What did the cheddar say to the taxi driver?
“I’m wheely gouda company!” - Why did the cheese become a taxi driver?
Because it wanted to Brie-ring joy to people’s rides! - What did the cheese say when it saw the taxi meter?
“That’s nacho average fare!” - Why did the cheese cry in the taxi?
Because it watched a cheesy movie and it was too emotional! - What do you call a cheese that’s also a taxi driver?
A curd chauffeur! - Why did the cheese get a job as a taxi driver?
Because it wanted to show off its gouda driving skills! - What did the taxi driver say to the cheese?
“You’re grate company!” - Why did the mozzarella take a taxi to the beach?
Because it wanted to catch some rays! - What’s a cheese’s favorite taxi destination?
Cheddarville! - Why did the cheese take a taxi to the cheese factory?
Because it wanted to see its family! - What did the cheese say when it arrived at its destination?
“That was one wheely gouda ride!” - Why did the cheese take a taxi to the vineyard?
Because it heard the grapes were fermenting! - What do you call a cheesy taxi driver?
A dairy driver! - Why did the cheese get into a taxi with a slice of bread?
Because it wanted to make a sandwich!
