240+ Plum jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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240+ Plum jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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  1. Why did the plum go to school? Because it wanted to be a smart fruit!
  2. What did the plum say to the apple? “You’re the apple of my eye, but I’m the plum of your dreams!”
  3. How does a plum answer the phone? “Plum’s the word!”
  4. Why did the plum break up with the watermelon? It couldn’t elope!
  5. What do you call a sad plum? A blueberry in disguise!
  6. Why did the plum go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling grape!
  7. What’s a plum’s favorite movie genre? Rom-Com-pote!
  8. Why did the plum blush? It saw the salad dressing!
  9. What did the grape say to the plum? “You’re grape, but I’m plum-tastic!”
  10. How does a plum apologize? It says, “I’m in a bit of a jam.”
  11. Why was the plum invited to perform at the comedy club? Because it had pit-ty humor!
  12. What did the plum say to the orange? “You’re a-peeling, but I’m plum delightful!”
  13. How does a plum make decisions? It follows its gut instincts!
  14. Why did the plum go to the dance? It heard it was going to be a fruit ball!
  15. What’s a plum’s favorite sport? Stone-pit throwing!
  16. Why was the plum always calm? Because it had inner-peace… and a stone-cold demeanor!
  17. What did the plum say to the peach? “We make a great pear!”
  18. How does a plum get around town? It takes the grape-vine!
  19. Why did the plum refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to end up in a jam!
  20. What’s a plum’s favorite song? “Plum-p Up the Jam!”
  1. Why did the plum refuse to share its secrets? Because it didn’t want to spill the juice!
  2. What did one plum say to the other at the party? “Let’s pit-tay!”
  3. How does a plum get through tough times? It stays jam-packed with optimism!
  4. Why did the plum break up with the grape? It found out the grape was raisin a lot of drama!
  5. What did the plum say when it bumped into the banana? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bruise your ego!”
  6. Why was the plum always picked first for the game? Because it was a stone-cold winner!
  7. What did the plum say when it won the lottery? “I’m plum-tastically rich!”
  8. How does a plum apologize for being late? It says, “I’m sorry, I got stuck in a jam!”
  9. What’s a plum’s favorite movie? “Pulp Fiction!”
  10. Why did the plum go to the therapist? It had too many pits of anxiety!
  11. What did one plum say to the other during a race? “Let’s juice it up and finish in a squeeze!”
  12. Why was the plum invited to the comedy club? Because it always had a pit-ifully good sense of humor!
  13. How does a plum learn to dance? It joins a salsa group and becomes a plum-ba dancer!
  14. Why did the plum refuse to fight? It didn’t want to turn the situation into fruit punch!
  15. What’s a plum’s favorite type of music? R&B: Ripe and Bouncy!
  16. Why did the plum get embarrassed at the party? Because it wore its plumage upside down!
  17. How does a plum keep in touch with its friends? It sends group texts with fruity emojis!
  18. Why did the plum get promoted? Because it was the cream of the crop in the orchard!
  19. What did the plum say to the lemon? “When life gives you lemons, make plum-ade!”
  20. How does a plum get fit? It practices the fruit ninja workout!

  1. Why did the plum go to school? Because it wanted to be a “prune-cipal”!
  2. What did one plum say to the other at the party? “Let’s pit and run!”
  3. Why was the plum always calm? Because it had inner “tranquili-plum”!
  4. How did the plum fix its broken heart? It went to see a “plum-ber”!
  5. What do you call a group of musical plums? A “jam” session!
  6. Why don’t plums ever get lost? Because they always have a good “sense of direc-plum”!
  7. What did the plum say to the grape? “You really raisin the bar!”
  8. Why did the plum blush? Because it saw the apricot in its birthday suit!
  9. What do you get when you cross a plum with a bicycle? A “plum-cycle”!
  10. Why don’t plums play hide and seek? Because they’re always “exposed”!
  11. How do you make a plum laugh? Tell it a “pit”-y joke!
  12. What’s a plum’s favorite exercise? “Plum-ups”!
  13. Why did the plum refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to be in a “plum-bat”!
  14. What did one plum say to the other during a race? “I’m going to juice you!”
  15. How do plums communicate? They “plum-nicate”!
  16. Why was the plum chosen to lead the orchestra? Because it had perfect “plum-timing”!
  17. What did the plum say to the peach on Valentine’s Day? “You’re a real peach, but I’m plum crazy for you!”
  18. Why did the plum bring a ladder to the orchard? Because it heard the grapes were on a higher level!
  19. What do you call a plum that’s always on time? “Plum-punctual”!
  20. Why did the plum break up with the cherry? Because it found out the cherry was a little “pitted”!
  1. Why did the plum go to school? It wanted to be a little more “cultured”!
  2. What did one plum say to the other at the party? “Let’s pit together and have a jammin’ time!”
  3. How did the plum propose to his sweetheart? He gave her a ring and said, “You’re the ‘plum’est one for me!”
  4. Why was the plum blushing? Because it saw the peach naked!
  5. What did the plum say to the comedian? “You’re a real pit-riot!”
  6. Why did the plum refuse to fight? It didn’t want to get bruised!
  7. How do plums communicate? They use grape-vine!
  8. What did the plum say when it won the race? “I’m the fastest in the orchard!”
  9. Why did the plum bring a ladder to the orchard? It heard the peaches were looking down on it!
  10. What did the plum say to the rude peach? “You’re really plum-rude!”
  11. Why did the plum become an artist? It wanted to draw its own destiny!
  12. What did the plum say to the avocado? “You’re the pit-iest guac around!”
  13. How did the plum fix its broken heart? With some plum-therapy!
  14. Why was the plum always invited to parties? Because it could turn any gathering into a ‘plum’ affair!
  15. What do you get when you cross a plum with a bicycle? Purple pedaling!
  16. Why did the plum break up with the apricot? It found someone juicier!
  17. What did the grape say to the plum? “You’re really raisin’ the bar!”
  18. Why did the plum start a band? It wanted to be in the ‘jam’ business!
  19. How did the plum become famous? It starred in its own fruit drama – “Plumdog Millionaire”!
  20. Why was the plum so good at math? It had a lot of pluck and could ‘count’ on itself!

  1. Why did the plum break up with the grape? Because it found a juicier squeeze!
  2. What did the plum say to the orchard owner? “I’m feeling a bit fruity today!”
  3. Why did the plum refuse to play cards? It heard it was going to get “pruned”!
  4. How did the plum get out of a traffic ticket? It claimed it was just trying to “jam” its way through!
  5. Why did the plum go to school? It wanted to be a “smart” fruit!
  6. What’s a plum’s favorite movie genre? Suspense thrillers, because they love a good “plum-der” mystery!
  7. Why did the plum blush? Because it saw the peach in its birthday suit!
  8. What do you get when you cross a plum with a computer? A fruit processor!
  9. Why was the plum always calm? Because it had inner “peas”!
  10. Why did the plum call the doctor? It wasn’t feeling well, it had a case of the “purple flu”!
  11. How did the plum become an artist? It mastered the art of “still life”!
  12. Why was the plum a terrible comedian? Its jokes were too pit-iful!
  13. What did one plum say to the other in a race? “Let’s juice it!”
  14. Why was the plum invited to all the parties? Because it knew how to make a “fruitful” conversation!
  15. Why did the plum run for mayor? It wanted to bring “plum-ocracy” to the city!
  16. How did the plum propose to its sweetheart? It said, “You’re the ‘jam’ to my ‘toast’!”
  17. Why did the plum go to the gym? It wanted to work on its core “stone”!
  18. What did the plum say to the mirror? “I’m one smooth fruit!”
  19. Why did the plum go to the beach? It heard it was going to be a “plum-tastic” day!
  20. How did the plum become a detective? It always had a good “clue”!
  1. Why did the plum go to school? Because it wanted to be a “smarty fruitie”!
  2. What did the baby plum say to its mom? “I’m just a little pit-y!”
  3. How does a plum answer the phone? “Plum’s the word!”
  4. Why was the plum always picked first for sports teams? Because it was “plum-tastically athletic”!
  5. What’s a plum’s favorite game? Hide and seed!
  6. Why did the plum refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to bruise!
  7. What did one plum say to the other at bedtime? “Sweet dreams, my fruity friend!”
  8. How do you make a plum laugh? Tickling its pit!
  9. Why was the plum always happy? Because it had a “punny” sense of humor!
  10. What’s a plum’s favorite subject in school? History, because it loves learning about its “roots”!
  11. Why did the plum go to the doctor? It had a case of the “purple sniffles”!
  12. What did the plum say to the banana? “You’re a-peeling!”
  13. Why did the plum bring a ladder to school? It heard the teacher was going to talk about “raisin” the bar!
  14. What’s a plum’s favorite bedtime story? “Jack and the Beanstalk”, because it loves hearing about climbing fruits!
  15. Why did the plum wear sunglasses? Because it didn’t want to be mistaken for a grape!
  16. What did the plum say to the lemon during a race? “I’m going to zest you!”
  17. Why was the plum always at the front of the class? Because it was a “fruitful” student!
  18. What did the plum say to the apple? “You’re the apple of my eye!”
  19. Why did the plum go to the playground? It heard it was the “pits”!
  20. What did the plum say to the orange? “You’re a-peel-ing too!”

  1. Why did the plum break up with the fig? It found someone who could give it a better “squeeze”!
  2. What did the flirtatious plum say to the peach? “Hey there, wanna make a ‘jam’ together?”
  3. Why was the plum always the life of the party? Because it knew how to “wine” and dine!
  4. How did the plum get out of a speeding ticket? It claimed it was just trying to get to the “plum jam” festival on time!
  5. Why did the plum join a dating app? It wanted to find its perfect “pear”!
  6. What did one plum say to the other at the bar? “Let’s get ‘plum-dered’ tonight!”
  7. Why did the plum refuse to go on a blind date? It didn’t want to end up in a “jam”!
  8. How did the plum know it was in love? It felt like it was “floating on plum clouds”!
  9. What’s a plum’s favorite pick-up line? “Hey baby, are you a fruit bowl? Because you’ve got me feeling ‘plum-tuous’!”
  10. Why did the plum go to therapy? It had some serious “pit” issues to work through!
  11. What did the plum say to the bartender? “Give me something strong, I’m feeling a bit ‘bruised’ tonight!”
  12. Why did the plum get kicked out of the casino? It was caught trying to “raisin” the stakes!
  13. How did the plum become a millionaire? It invested in a successful “plum wine” business!
  14. What did one plum say to the other on a hot summer day? “Let’s get naked and take a dip in some sangria!”
  15. Why was the plum always the center of attention? Because it had a knack for telling “juicy” stories!
  16. How does a plum like its coffee? With a splash of “plum brandy”!
  17. Why did the plum hire a personal trainer? It wanted to turn its pit into a “stone-cold six-pack”!
  18. What did the plum whisper to the grape? “You’re the ‘raisin’ I smile!”
  19. Why did the plum blush at the grocery store? It was caught checking out the peaches!
  20. How did the plum impress its date? By showing off its impressive “plum wine” collection!
  1. Why did the plum refuse to play cards? Because it didn’t want to be in a “pit” of trouble!
  2. What did the plum say to its admirer? “You’ve got me feeling plum-tastic!”
  3. Why did the plum go to school? It wanted to be a “prune-cipal” someday!
  4. How did the plum fix its broken heart? It went on a “date” with some jam!
  5. Why did the plum blush? Because it saw the peach naked!
  6. What do you call a plum with a black belt in karate? A “sensei-plum”!
  7. Why did the plum go to outer space? To find its “cosmic-pit”!
  8. What did the plum say to the jokester? “Stop plum-menting me with puns!”
  9. How do you make a plum laugh? Tell it a “prune-y” joke!
  10. Why did the plum go to the dentist? It had a “seed” stuck between its teeth!
  11. What’s a plum’s favorite dance move? The “plum-ba”!
  12. Why did the plum become a musician? It wanted to play the “plum-bone”!
  13. What do you call a plum that’s afraid of heights? A “plum-met”!
  14. Why did the plum refuse to fight? Because it believed in “plum-gentle” negotiation!
  15. What did one plum say to the other during a race? “Let’s raisin the stakes!”
  16. Why was the plum embarrassed? It was caught in a “jam”!
  17. What’s a plum’s favorite TV show? “Plum-der the Sea”!
  18. Why was the plum blushing at the party? Because it was feeling “plum-pered”!
  19. How did the plum propose to its sweetheart? With a “plum-ring”!
  20. What did the plum say to its fan? “You’re the apple of my eye!”

  1. Why did the plum go to school? Because it wanted to be a “smarty-pit”!
  2. What did the plum say to the grape? “You’re just a raisin wannabe!”
  3. Why was the plum blushing? Because it saw the peach in its birthday suit!
  4. How does a plum answer the phone? “Plum’s the word!”
  5. Why was the plum always calm? Because it had inner “pit”eace!
  6. What did the plum say to the mirror? “I’m looking grape today!”
  7. Why did the plum break up with the grape? It found out the grape was a little too “seedy”!
  8. Why was the plum a great detective? Because it always got to the “core” of the problem!
  9. What did the plum say to its admirer? “You’re plum-tastic!”
  10. How does a plum apologize? It says, “I’m sorry if I’m being a little too fruity!”
  11. Why did the plum get an award? Because it was the “pick of the bunch”!
  12. Why did the plum blush at the party? Because it saw its crush, the apricot!
  13. What’s a plum’s favorite movie genre? Rom-“com”!
  14. Why did the plum refuse to fight? It believed in “peace” negotiations!
  15. Why was the plum always invited to parties? Because it was the “life of the orchard”!
  16. What did the plum say to the peach? “We make a great fruit salad together!”
  17. Why did the plum become a musician? Because it could really “jam”!
  18. What did the plum say when it was squeezed? “You’re just trying to juice me for information!”
  19. Why was the plum so popular? Because it had a great “a-peel”!
  20. Why did the plum join the gym? It wanted to be a “plum-per”!

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