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1. Why did the kosher chicken cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken!
2. What did the kosher pickle say to the cucumber? “You’ve got to dill with it!”
3. Why don’t kosher vampires attack at synagogue? They can’t handle the garlic in the matzo ball soup!
4. How does a kosher cow greet another cow? “Moo-kha Tov!”
5. What did the kosher chef say to the fish? “Let’s spice things up and go for a swim in some horseradish!”
6. Why was the kosher bakery so popular? Because their challah was off the hook!
7. What do you call a kosher comedian? A he-brews jokes!
8. Why did the kosher golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
9. How do you make a kosher salad dressing? With extra-virgin olive oil and a rabbi’s blessing!
10. Why don’t kosher elephants eat bacon? Because it’s irrelephant to their diet!
11. What did the kosher grape say to the wine maker? “Stop kvetching and let’s get fermented!”
12. Why did the kosher chicken refuse to play cards? Because it was afraid of a full house!
13. What’s a kosher pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrrr, it’s the C for cove, not the P for pork!
14. Why did the kosher cow go to space? To see if the Milky Way was certified!
15. What did the kosher tomato say to the celery? “Stop stalking me, I’m not into kosher salads!”
16. Why was the kosher bakery so successful? Because they always rose to the occasion!
17. What did the kosher pickle say to the potato chip? “Stop being so salty, we’re in a pickle together!”
18. Why did the kosher tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
19. How did the kosher chicken get in shape? It did the koshercise!
20. Why did the kosher grape leave the party early? Because it heard the wine was pasteurized!

1. Why did the kosher pickle refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to get into a pickle!
2. What did the kosher cheese say to the sandwich? “You’re the bread to my butter, the matzo to my ball!”
3. Why did the kosher chicken join a band? Because it had perfect rhythm and kept clucking in tune!
4. What’s a kosher vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving!
5. Why did the kosher cow win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field!
6. What did the kosher grape say to the wine? “Stop whining and let’s make some bubbly!”
7. Why did the kosher potato get promoted? Because it was a real chip off the old block!
8. What’s a kosher pirate’s favorite treasure? Pieces of eight…no, pieces of challah!
9. Why was the kosher salad so athletic? Because it always tossed and turned!
10. What did the kosher lemon say to the lime? “When life gives us lemons, let’s make kosher lemonade!”
11. Why did the kosher tomato turn red? Because it saw the salsa dancing!
12. What’s a kosher bear’s favorite snack? Matzo-honey!
13. Why did the kosher chicken go to school? To get a little egg-ucation!
14. What did the kosher fish say to the sea? “I’m hooked on you!”
15. Why was the kosher grape so popular? Because it always knew how to wine and dine!
16. What’s a kosher ghost’s favorite food? Boo-tato latkes!
17. Why did the kosher cow become a detective? Because it was good at rounding up clues!
18. What did the kosher bakery say to the cake? “You take the cake, but I take the challah!”
19. Why was the kosher salad so calm? Because it had a lot of lettuce-itude!
20. What’s a kosher comedian’s favorite joke? Anything that’s kosher to laugh at!

1. Why did the kosher pickle go to school? Because it wanted to be a real dill-equent!
2. What do you call a kosher comedian? A pun-ishment master!
3. Why was the kosher bakery so successful? Because they always had a great loaf of chutzpah!
4. What’s a kosher vampire’s favorite drink? Type O-negative juice!
5. How does a kosher chef greet their guests? With a hearty “Shalom Y’all!”
6. Why did the kosher chicken cross the road? To prove it wasn’t just a chicken, it was a kosher one!
7. What do you call a kosher cow with a sense of humor? Laughing stock!
8. Why was the kosher restaurant so popular? Because they always had a taste that was shofar out!
9. How does a kosher pickle make a phone call? It dials “kosher-rectly”!
10. Why did the kosher cookbook go to therapy? Because it couldn’t find its zest for life!
11. What do you call a kosher dog with a cold? A Hebrew-hound!
12. Why did the kosher salad win an award? Because it dressed to impress!
13. How do you make a kosher snowman? With a nose made of carrot and a kippah for its head!
14. Why was the kosher pizza always so calm? Because it knew how to keep its toppings kosher-her!
15. What did the kosher pickle say to the cucumber? “You’re in a real pickle, my friend!”
16. Why did the kosher grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
17. What do you call a kosher fish with no eyes? Fsh!
18. Why was the kosher butcher always in demand? Because he knew how to make the cut!
19. What do you call a kosher baker who’s also a musician? A challah-ban!
20. Why did the kosher vegetable never get picked for the team? Because it was always a little too green!

1. Why did the kosher chicken join a band? Because it had drumsticks!
2. What did the kosher pickle say to the deli counter? “Pickle me this!”
3. Why did the kosher potato go to therapy? Because it had too many eyes!
4. How does a kosher cow say hello? “Moo-ve over and give me some space!”
5. Why did the kosher grape stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice!
6. What did the kosher bagel say to the cream cheese? “Spread the love, not the schmear!”
7. Why was the kosher bakery so busy? Because it kneaded the dough!
8. What’s a kosher tomato’s favorite song? “Can’t Stop the Chopped!”
9. Why was the kosher vegetable always on time? Because it had a good “thyme” sense!
10. How does a kosher chicken cross the road? In a kosher-rect line!
11. Why did the kosher egg roll off the table? It didn’t want to be a hard-boiled egg!
12. What did the kosher cheese say to the mouse? “I’m not just Gouda, I’m great-a!”
13. Why was the kosher pizza always smiling? Because it was a little slice of heaven!
14. How does a kosher fish send a letter? With its seal of approval!
15. What did the kosher banana say to the apple? “You’re the apple of my eye, but I’m top banana!”
16. Why did the kosher onion make everyone cry? Because it knew how to bring out the tears!
17. What did the kosher carrot say to the celery? “Stick with me, we make a great pair!”
18. Why was the kosher salad always the life of the party? Because it knew how to toss things up!
19. How does a kosher grape introduce itself? “I’m grape, nice to wine-troduce myself!”
20. Why did the kosher bread go to school? Because it wanted to be the “upper crust”!

1. Why did the kosher pickle break up with its girlfriend? Because it couldn’t dill with the relationship pressure!
2. How does a kosher cow answer the phone? “Moo-she!”
3. Why don’t kosher chefs play hide and seek? Because good seasoning always gets found!
4. Why did the kosher chicken cross the road? To prove it wasn’t just a coop follower!
5. What did the kosher tomato say to the cucumber? “Stop being so pickled about everything!”
6. Why did the kosher bakery hire extra workers? Because they kneaded the dough!
7. Why was the kosher grape so calm? Because it refused to wine about anything!
8. How does a kosher comedian make people laugh? With his punchlines, not his pork chops!
9. Why did the kosher potato get promoted? Because it was a chip off the old block!
10. What did the kosher sushi say to the non-kosher sushi? “I can’t roll with you, you’re too fishy!”
11. Why did the kosher elephant bring a suitcase to the picnic? Because it heard there was a trunk show!
12. What did the kosher hot dog say to the bun? “You’re the mustard to my ketchup!”
13. Why did the kosher lemon refuse to talk? Because it had a sour disposition!
14. How do kosher bees communicate? With Hebrew buzzwords!
15. Why did the kosher coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
16. What did the kosher computer say to the hacker? “You’re not getting past my firewall of faith!”
17. Why did the kosher musician only play minor chords? Because he was too shy to go major!
18. What did the kosher astronaut say when he landed on the moon? “Houston, we have a matzah ball!”
19. Why did the kosher doctor become a comedian? Because he wanted to give his patients a good prognosis!
20. How does a kosher vampire avoid garlic? By sticking to kosher blood donations!

1. Why did the grape go to synagogue? Because it heard it was a bunch of fun!
2. How does a matzah greet its friends? With a crackerjack smile!
3. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese, it’s kosher!
4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing… and it was kosher!
5. What do you get when you cross a kosher pickle and a vampire? A dill-ightful snack!
6. Why was the mushroom invited to the Shabbat dinner? Because it was a fungi to be with!
7. How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste, of course, it’s kosher!
8. Why did the lettuce win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field!
9. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
10. Why did the carrot go to the dance? Because it heard they were serving kosher dips!
11. What did one potato say to the other potato at the Kosher deli? “I think we’re in a pickle!”
12. Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool? It wanted to be a watermelon, but that’s not kosher!
13. How do you make holy guacamole? Avocado, tomato, and a sprinkle of kosher salt!
14. What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? “If you weren’t so sweet, we wouldn’t be in this jam!”
15. Why was the onion crying? Because it just found out it wasn’t kosher for Passover!
16. What’s a kosher apple’s favorite song? “I’m Bringing Crispy Back” by Justin Timberlake!
17. Why was the lemon sad? Because it couldn’t find a kosher sugar cube to cheer it up!
18. How do you know if a banana is kosher? It peels with ease and doesn’t split!
19. What did the grape say when it got complimented? “You’re berry kind, but I prefer to wine and dine!”
20. Why did the celery break up with the carrot? It wanted something more kosher in its life!

1. Why did the kosher pickle break up with its partner? Because it found someone “dill”icious.
2. What did the kosher grape say to the wine? “Let’s not whine, let’s just ferment.”
3. Why did the kosher chicken join a band? Because it had drumsticks!
4. How does a kosher cow greet others? With a “moo-ve over, I’m kosher!”
5. Why did the kosher tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
6. What did the kosher mushroom say to its friend? “I’m a fun-gi to hang out with!”
7. Why did the kosher bakery hire a mathematician? To help with the “pi” calculations!
8. Why did the kosher bread go to therapy? Because it had too many “crust” issues.
9. Why was the kosher potato worried? Because it heard it was going to get “mashed”!
10. What did the kosher watermelon say to the cantaloupe? “You’re one in a melon!”
11. Why did the kosher onion refuse to cry? Because it didn’t want to be “tear”able!
12. Why did the kosher sushi roll get a job as a comedian? Because it was always on a “roll”!
13. What did the kosher olive say to its crush? “You’re pitted in my heart!”
14. Why did the kosher banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well!
15. Why did the kosher egg go to school? To get “egg”-ucated!
16. What did the kosher lemon say to the lime? “You make my zest tingle!”
17. Why did the kosher avocado turn red? Because it saw the guacamole!
18. Why did the kosher carrot break up with its partner? Because it wanted to “stalk” alone!
19. Why did the kosher chocolate go to therapy? Because it had “melting” issues!
20. What did the kosher apple say to the pear? “We make a great pear!”

1. Why did the kosher pickle break up with its partner? Because it couldn’t dill with the relationship anymore!
2. How does a kosher cow greet its friends? With a hearty “Moo-shalom!”
3. Why did the kosher chef always win at poker? Because he knew how to handle a good deck of kosher cards!
4. What did the kosher grape say to the wine maker? “Don’t crush my dreams, just ferment them!”
5. Why did the kosher chicken refuse to play hide and seek? Because it didn’t want to be cooped up!
6. How does a kosher bagel greet its friend? “Hey there, everything bagel! You’re looking poppy today!”
7. Why did the kosher tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
8. Why was the kosher bakery so successful? Because it had a lot of dough!
9. Why did the kosher vegetable go to therapy? Because it had too many layers to peel back!
10. How does a kosher grape apologize? By saying, “I’m sorry for raisin’ my voice!”
11. Why did the kosher comedian get a standing ovation? Because his jokes were kosher-certified hilarious!
12. Why did the kosher astronaut bring rye bread to space? In case he needed a little space for his sandwich!
13. What did the kosher bread say to the butter? “You’re on a roll!”
14. Why did the kosher potato get an award? Because it was a chip off the old block!
15. How does a kosher pickle celebrate its birthday? It throws a “dill-ightful” party!
16. Why was the kosher restaurant always busy? Because it had a lot of “loyal-tea” customers!
17. Why did the kosher mushroom go to the party? Because it’s a fun-gi!
18. Why did the kosher lemon stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice!
19. What did the kosher grape say to its friend? “You’re the vine that I want!”
20. Why was the kosher cookbook so thin? Because it didn’t have any shellfish recipes – it was all “e-shrimp-tial”!

1. Why did the kosher cheese refuse to fight? Because it didn’t want to be a “whey-stlander”!
2. What did the Jewish cheese say to the bagel? “You’re the lox to my cream cheese.”
3. Why was the kosher cheese always calm? Because it had great “curd-control.”
4. How did the cheese greet its fellow cheese? “Hallou-mi, how’s it cheddar with you?”
5. Why did the kosher cheese go to school? To get “grated” knowledge!
6. What did the Rabbi say to the cheesy joke? “That’s not just cheesy, it’s gouda!”
7. Why did the cheese thank the Rabbi? Because it had been “blessed” with flavor!
8. How do you apologize to a cheese? “I’m sorry for my pasteur actions.”
9. Why did the kosher cheese bring a map to the party? It didn’t want to get “lost in fondue”!
10. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? “Nacho cheese – it’s kosher, after all!”
11. Why was the kosher cheese always honest? Because it couldn’t tell a “feta”!
12. How do you get a kosher cheese to smile? Say, “Cheese, please!”
13. Why was the kosher cheese so popular? Because it was great at “melting” hearts!
14. What’s a kosher cheese’s favorite pick-up line? “Are you Swiss? Because you make my heart hole-y.”
15. Why did the kosher cheese go to therapy? It had too many “mold” issues.
16. What did the cheese say to the Torah? “You’re grate, but I’m aged to perfection.”
17. Why did the kosher cheese win the competition? Because it had the most “gouda” taste!
18. What do you call cheese that’s sad? “Blue cheese – it’s feeling a bit bleu.”
19. Why did the cheese sit in the front row at synagogue? It wanted to be “whey up close to God.”
20. How did the cheese propose? With a ring of “cheddar”!

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