240+ Islam jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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240+ Islam jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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  1. Why don’t Muslims ever play hide and seek?
    Because good luck hiding from Allah!
  2. Why was the math book sad?
    Because it had too many problems, just like trying to calculate how much dowry you owe!
  3. Why did the Muslim break up with his calculator?
    It couldn’t handle his halal-culations!
  4. Why did the Imam bring a ladder to the mosque?
    Because he wanted to raise the roof with his sermon!
  5. Why don’t Muslims ever go on diet?
    Because they believe in the power of “inshallah” to burn those calories!
  6. Why was the Quran feeling cold?
    Because it left its verses uncovered!
  7. What did the Muslim skateboarder say?
    “I’m ollie-ing akbar!”
  8. Why did the Imam bring a pencil to the mosque?
    To draw closer to Allah!
  9. Why was the Muslim astronaut excited for space travel?
    To find out if there’s halal food on Mars!
  10. Why don’t Muslims play cards?
    Because they can’t deal with the jinn-king!
  11. Why was the mosque’s Wi-Fi so slow?
    Too many people trying to connect to the “Allah-Net”!
  12. Why don’t Muslims ever lose at hide and seek?
    Because they always find peace in their prayers!
  13. Why was the prayer rug always so happy?
    Because it had a lot of followers!
  14. Why did the Muslim chef become a comedian?
    Because he knew how to spice up the jokes with a dash of “hum-mus”!
  15. Why don’t Muslims skydive?
    Because once you’ve jumped, there’s no turning back – just like faith!
  16. Why did the Imam always carry a tissue?
    For those teary-eyed moments during heartfelt prayers!
  17. Why was the Quran jealous of a dictionary?
    Because it heard the dictionary had more words to define!
  18. Why don’t Muslims ever get lost?
    Because they have “Google Qibla”!
  19. Why was the masjid always so peaceful?
    Because everyone was too busy praying to start arguments!
  20. Why did the Muslim optometrist go to the mosque?
    To improve his “sight” through prayer!
  1. Why did the Imam bring a map to the mosque?
    Because he wanted to lead the congregation in the right direction, both spiritually and geographically!
  2. Why did the Muslim refuse to play chess?
    Because they didn’t want to be caught in a “checkmate” with the devil!
  3. Why don’t Muslims ever go to haunted houses?
    Because they’re already familiar with jinn-terruptions!
  4. Why did the Quran go to the gym?
    To work on its holy gains!
  5. Why did the Muslim take a ladder to the mosque?
    To reach those high spiritual levels!
  6. Why did the Imam bring a camera to the prayer hall?
    To capture those “holy” moments!
  7. Why don’t Muslims ever get sunburned?
    Because they always have Allah’s shade!
  8. Why was the mosque’s roof so strong?
    Because it was supported by strong pillars of faith!
  9. Why don’t Muslims ever get tired of praying?
    Because they know it’s their direct line to customer service with Allah!
  10. Why did the Muslim invite everyone to dinner?
    Because they wanted to share the “halal” jokes and kebabs!
  11. Why don’t Muslims ever forget their keys?
    Because they always say “bismillah” before leaving the house!
  12. Why was the minaret always so popular?
    Because it had the best “call” service in town!
  13. Why don’t Muslims ever get lost in the desert?
    Because they always follow the “suns” of guidance!
  14. Why did the Quran cross the road?
    To get to the other “revelation”!
  15. Why don’t Muslims ever get bored of fasting?
    Because they know it’s their “appetizer” for the ultimate feast in Jannah!
  16. Why did the Muslim wear sunglasses to the mosque?
    To protect themselves from the “radiant” beauty of their faith!
  17. Why don’t Muslims ever need alarm clocks?
    Because Fajr prayer is the best wake-up call!
  18. Why was the prayer rug so well-traveled?
    Because it had a lot of “connections”!
  19. Why did the Imam have a smartphone?
    To keep up with the latest “app-dates” in Islam!
  20. Why don’t Muslims ever get cold feet?
    Because they have the warmth of brotherhood and sisterhood to keep them cozy!

  1. Why did the Imam become a chef?
    Because he wanted to serve up some heavenly dishes along with his sermons!
  2. Why did the Quran go to school?
    To teach the world a lesson!
  3. Why don’t Muslims ever get lost in the desert?
    Because they follow the “compass-ion” of Islam!
  4. Why did the mosque invest in solar panels?
    To harness the power of “son” light!
  5. Why don’t Muslims ever argue with fools?
    Because they know the hadith: “Arguing with a fool only proves that there are two!”
  6. Why did the Muslim engineer excel in his field?
    Because he knew how to build bridges between communities!
  7. Why don’t Muslims ever stress about tomorrow?
    Because they believe in the power of “inshallah”!
  8. Why was the Quran always calm?
    Because it found peace in its verses!
  9. Why did the Imam open a bakery?
    Because he wanted to knead the dough and spread the spiritual leaven!
  10. Why don’t Muslims ever worry about running out of time?
    Because they know they’re on Allah’s clock!
  11. Why did the prayer rug get an award?
    Because it was outstanding in its field of devotion!
  12. Why don’t Muslims ever feel lonely?
    Because they have a direct connection with Allah, the best of companions!
  13. Why did the Muslim philosopher become famous?
    Because he knew how to “Mu’tazilite” the crowd!
  14. Why don’t Muslims ever fear darkness?
    Because they carry the light of faith wherever they go!
  15. Why did the Quran join a book club?
    To broaden its “chapter” of knowledge!
  16. Why don’t Muslims ever give up?
    Because they know that “Allah is with the patient”!
  17. Why did the mosque install a revolving door?
    To welcome everyone with open arms, no matter which way they come from!
  18. Why did the Imam take up gardening?
    Because he wanted to sow the seeds of wisdom and harvest hearts!
  19. Why don’t Muslims ever underestimate the power of a smile?
    Because they know it’s a Sunnah that can illuminate the darkest of days!
  20. Why did the Quran get a makeover?
    To reveal its timeless beauty in a new light!
  1. Why did the imam bring a ladder to the mosque? To elevate the conversation!
  2. Why don’t Muslims play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from Allah!
  3. Why was the prayer rug always happy? Because it had a lot of followers!
  4. Why did the Quran go to the gym? To work on its holy gains!
  5. Why don’t Muslims play cards? Because they can’t deal with the jinn-king!
  6. Why did the mosque’s Wi-Fi slow down? Too many people trying to connect to the “Allah-Net”!
  7. Why don’t Muslims skydive? Because once you’ve jumped, there’s no turning back – just like faith!
  8. Why was the minaret so popular? Because it had the best “call” service in town!
  9. Why was the prayer rug well-traveled? Because it had a lot of “connections”!
  10. Why did the Quran cross the road? To get to the other “revelation”!
  11. Why don’t Muslims argue with fools? Because the hadith says, “Arguing with a fool only proves that there are two!”
  12. Why don’t Muslims ever get lost in the desert? Because they follow the “compass-ion” of Islam!
  13. Why don’t Muslims ever stress about tomorrow? Because they believe in the power of “inshallah”!
  14. Why did the Muslim optometrist go to the mosque? To improve his “sight” through prayer!
  15. Why was the mosque’s roof so strong? Because it was supported by strong pillars of faith!
  16. Why don’t Muslims ever lose at hide and seek? Because they always find peace in their prayers!
  17. Why did the Quran join a book club? To broaden its “chapter” of knowledge!
  18. Why don’t Muslims ever fear darkness? Because they carry the light of faith wherever they go!
  19. Why did the Imam become a chef? To serve up some heavenly dishes along with his sermons!
  20. Why don’t Muslims ever worry about running out of time? Because they know they’re on Allah’s clock!

  1. Why did the Muslim break up with his calculator? Because it couldn’t handle his endless prayers for divine calculations!
  2. What did the imam say to the misbehaving microphone? “Stop feedback, it’s not halal!”
  3. Why don’t Muslims play hide and seek with their dates? Because they’d rather fast than hide!
  4. How do you know if a Muslim is a good cook? When they have the perfect balance of spice and prayer!
  5. Why did the Muslim comedian go to Hajj? To find some holy laughs!
  6. Why did the Islamic scientist always carry a ruler? To measure up to the height of his discoveries!
  7. How do Muslims exercise? By performing sujood push-ups, of course!
  8. Why did the sheikh bring a ladder to the lecture? To elevate his discourse!
  9. Why don’t Muslims play chess? Because they believe every move should be guided by divine intervention!
  10. Why was the Quran sad? Because it felt shelved after Ramadan!
  11. What did the Muslim astronaut say when he landed on the moon? “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for Islamic exploration!”
  12. Why did the Islamic chef open a restaurant on a boat? So his dishes could sail through every flavor!
  13. Why don’t Muslims play baseball? Because they’re afraid of getting caught between halal and foul!
  14. What do you call a Muslim beekeeper? A honey-wallah!
  15. Why did the Muslim comedian become a poet? Because he wanted to deliver punchlines in couplets!
  16. Why was the Quran always calm during thunderstorms? Because it had verses to weather every storm!
  17. How do you invite a Muslim to a party? “Let’s have a halal-a-baloo!”
  18. Why was the Islamic artist so successful? Because every stroke of his brush was guided by faith!
  19. What did the Muslim computer programmer say after fixing a bug? “Insha’Allah, it won’t glitch again!”
  20. Why did the Muslim athlete always compete in the Olympics? To show the world the true meaning of “fast”!
  1. Why did the little Muslim take a ladder to school? Because he wanted to reach the highest grades!
  2. What did the baby camel say to its mom on Eid? “Mommy, I want a humpday cake!”
  3. Why did the young Muslim wear sunglasses to the Quran class? Because his future was too bright!
  4. What’s a Muslim kid’s favorite game at the playground? Halal and seek!
  5. Why did the Islamic toddler bring a pillow to the mosque? Because he heard it was a “prayer cushion”!
  6. Why was the little Muslim so good at math? Because he knew how to count his blessings!
  7. What did the imam say to the rowdy kids at the mosque? “Let’s have some ‘peace’ and quiet!”
  8. Why did the young Muslim bring a compass to school? To find the direction to success!
  9. What’s a Muslim child’s favorite bedtime story? Ali Baba and the Forty Dua’s!
  10. Why don’t Muslim kids play with pigs? Because they’re too busy chasing halal chickens!
  11. Why did the young Muslim take a ruler to the playground? To measure his friendships!
  12. What did the little girl say to her mom during Ramadan? “Mommy, I’m fasting… for cookies!”
  13. Why did the young boy bring a map to the mosque? Because he wanted to find his way to Jannah!
  14. What do you call a mischievous Muslim kid? A minaret-rouble maker!
  15. Why did the young Muslim bring a backpack full of books to the mosque? Because he heard knowledge is the best treasure!
  16. What did the little boy say when his mom asked him to tidy up his room? “But mom, cleanliness is half of iman!”
  17. Why did the young Muslim take a flashlight to the mosque? To shine a light on his faith!
  18. What did the little girl say when asked why she wore a hijab? “Because it’s my crown of modesty!”
  19. Why don’t Muslim kids eat during the day in Ramadan? Because they’re too busy munching on ‘prayer snacks’!
  20. Why did the young Muslim bring a microphone to the playground? Because he wanted to make sure his voice for justice was heard!

  1. Why did the imam carry a briefcase to the mosque? Because he had a lot of ‘holy business’ to attend to!
  2. What did the Muslim say when he won the lottery? “Insha’Allah, now I can afford that pilgrimage to Vegas!”
  3. Why don’t Muslim adults play hide and seek? Because they’re too busy seeking forgiveness!
  4. Why was the sheikh always calm during traffic jams? Because he knew patience is the key to paradise!
  5. What’s a Muslim’s favorite pickup line? “Are you made of gold? Because mash’Allah, you’re priceless!”
  6. Why did the Islamic scholar bring a dictionary to the mosque? To define his faith!
  7. What did the Muslim businessman say during negotiations? “Let’s make a halal deal!”
  8. Why don’t Muslim adults watch horror movies? Because they believe the scariest thing is a bad ending to their deeds!
  9. Why did the Islamic doctor always carry a stethoscope? To hear the heartbeat of faith!
  10. What’s a Muslim’s favorite type of gardening? Salah (prayer) gardening – planting seeds of faith!
  11. Why did the Muslim accountant bring a calculator to the mosque? To calculate his zakat!
  12. What did the Muslim say to his date at the fancy restaurant? “I’d offer you a rose, but I’d rather give you a dua for everlasting love!”
  13. Why don’t Muslims go to haunted houses? Because they’re already haunted by the fear of the hereafter!
  14. Why was the Islamic chef always in demand? Because he could turn water into delicious biryani!
  15. What did the Muslim pilot say before takeoff? “Bismillah, let’s fly high like the wings of faith!”
  16. Why did the Islamic lawyer always win his cases? Because he had the best arguments grounded in justice and mercy!
  17. What’s a Muslim’s favorite dessert? Imam Bay-aldi (stuffed eggplant) – because it’s heavenly!
  18. Why did the sheikh bring a map to the lecture? To guide his audience to the straight path!
  19. What did the Muslim say when his friend asked how he stays so calm? “Salaam (peace) comes from within!”
  20. Why did the Islamic engineer always build strong bridges? Because he knew the importance of connecting communities!
  1. Why did the Muslim dad bring a ladder to the mosque? Because he heard it was a step towards heaven!
  2. Why don’t Muslim dads play hide and seek? Because they’re always hiding behind their dad jokes!
  3. What’s a Muslim dad’s favorite mode of transportation? The Prophet’s camel – it’s always on ‘hump’ mode!
  4. Why did the Islamic dad bring a compass to the family picnic? To make sure they always prayed in the right direction!
  5. What did the Muslim dad say when his kid asked for a bedtime story? “Let me tell you about the adventures of Salahaddin!”
  6. Why don’t Muslim dads trust stairs? Because they always take the ‘stairway to heaven’!
  7. What’s a Muslim dad’s favorite hobby? Sunnah fishing – casting lines of wisdom!
  8. Why did the dad bring a Qur’an to the soccer game? To remind everyone that teamwork is sunnah!
  9. What did the Muslim dad say when his kid asked for a pet? “Sure, but it has to be a halal pet – like a cat who prays with us!”
  10. Why don’t Muslim dads play musical chairs? Because they’re afraid someone will end up in the ‘mosque’ instead of the seat!
  11. What did the Islamic dad say when his kid asked for a smartphone? “Sure, but only if it has a halal app for Quran recitation!”
  12. Why did the Muslim dad bring a map to the amusement park? To navigate through the roller coaster of life!
  13. What did the dad say when his kid asked why Muslims pray five times a day? “Because we need our daily dose of spiritual recharge!”
  14. Why don’t Muslim dads go to the beach? Because they’re afraid of getting ‘tide’ up in worldly pleasures!
  15. What did the Islamic dad say when his kid asked about the stars? “Those are the lanterns of angels guiding us towards righteousness!”
  16. Why did the Muslim dad bring a flashlight to the camping trip? To illuminate the path to Jannah!
  17. What did the dad say when his kid asked why they fast during Ramadan? “Because hunger teaches us empathy and gratitude!”
  18. Why don’t Muslim dads watch scary movies? Because they believe true fear lies in disappointing Allah!
  19. What’s a Muslim dad’s favorite joke? “Why was the Quran sad? Because it felt shelved after Ramadan!”
  20. Why did the dad bring a pen to the Quran recitation competition? To write down notes on how to improve!

  1. Why did the imam go to the bakery? To get some ‘holy’ rolls!
  2. What did the Muslim say to his date on Eid? “You’re the ‘shawarma’ to my ‘kabab’!”
  3. Why did the Quran blush? Because it saw you reading it with so much devotion!
  4. What’s a Muslim’s favorite fruit? Halal-oupe!
  5. Why did the Muslim chef open a restaurant? Because he wanted to serve up some ‘halal’apenos!
  6. What do you call a group of praying ants? Musal-limbs!
  7. Why did the imam bring a ladder to the lecture? To elevate his ‘pulpit’ performance!
  8. What did the Muslim astronaut say to the moon? “I love you to the crescent and back!”
  9. Why was the mosque always cold? Because it had too many ‘freezing’ prayers!
  10. What do you call a nervous Muslim on a plane? A fright Qur’an-troller!
  11. Why did the imam get a job at the bakery? Because he wanted to ‘knead’ the dough of faith!
  12. What did the Muslim say to the beekeeper? “You’re the ‘honey’ to my ‘dua’!”
  13. Why don’t Muslims play hide and seek in the forest? Because good hiding spots are ‘rare’ in the woods!
  14. What did the Muslim say when his friend asked why he’s always so calm? “It’s all about finding ‘salaam’ in the storm!”
  15. Why did the Islamic scientist always carry a telescope? To ‘astronomically’ increase his faith!
  16. What did the Muslim say when asked about his favorite vegetable? “I’m ‘rooting’ for carrots because they keep my vision sharp for Fajr!”
  17. Why don’t Muslims make good chefs? Because they’re always too busy ‘spicing’ up their prayers!
  18. Why did the imam bring a map to the desert? To find the ‘oasis’ of knowledge!
  19. What did the Muslim say to the cup of tea? “You’re my ‘chai’ce in every situation!”
  20. Why did the sheikh become a gardener? Because he wanted to cultivate ‘imani’ (faith) gardens!

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