Share a laugh !

1. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
2. What’s long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine!
3. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants!
4. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
5. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
6. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year!
7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball!
8. What’s the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn’t last forever.
9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
10. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
11. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
12. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist!
13. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
14. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
15. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!
16. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
17. What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One’s a crusty bus station, the other’s a busty crustacean!
18. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor!
19. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
20. Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing!

1. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
2. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
4. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants!
5. What’s long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine!
6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
7. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
8. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
9. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
10. What’s the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn’t last forever.
11. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
12. What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One’s a crusty bus station, the other’s a busty crustacean!
13. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor!
14. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
15. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
16. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!
17. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist!
18. Why did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
19. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
20. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year!

1. Why was the tomato blushing at the salad bar? Because it caught the cucumber checking it out!
2. What do you call a magician’s bra? A “hocus-pocus” holder!
3. Why did the math book look so worried? Because it had too many problems, and it couldn’t find its “X”!
4. Why did the baker go to therapy? Because he kneaded someone to talk to!
5. Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had too many bytes of emotional baggage!
6. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
7. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired of standing up!
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, and he didn’t just straw his way to the top!
9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, and they’re always changing their “neutrons”!
10. Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants, but it couldn’t keep its “trousers”!
11. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of “juice”!
12. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor, but it turned out to be a “major” misunderstanding!
13. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish, and they prefer to keep their pearls to themselves!
14. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, and it couldn’t solve for “happiness”!
15. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom, but it had a “tearful” descent!
16. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they don’t have the guts, and they’re always “boning” up on their manners!
17. Why did the grape blush when it got stepped on? Because it let out a little wine, and it was feeling “red”-faced!
18. Why did the cheese break up with the crackers? Because it was tired of all the “cheddar” talk and wanted to “brie-k” free!
19. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well, and it needed a “banana-nalysis”!
20. Why was the traffic light feeling so blue? Because it had too many red signals in its love life, and it was always getting green with envy!

1. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well!
2. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
4. Why did the math book look sad? Too many problems!
5. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants!
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything!
8. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re shellfish!
9. Why was the grape blushing? It got stepped on!
10. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Outstanding in its field!
11. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Fingering A minor!
12. Why was the traffic light feeling blue? Too many red signals!
13. Why did the cheese break up with the crackers? Tired of all the cheddar talk!
14. Why did the computer go to therapy? Too many bytes of emotional baggage!
15. Why did the chicken join a band? It had the drumsticks!
16. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Ran out of juice!
17. Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill? To get to the bottom!
18. Why did the math book go to therapy? It couldn’t find its X!
19. Why was the left eye talking to the right eye? Something smells!

1. Why did the baker blush when he kneaded the dough? Because he accidentally made a “yeast” infection joke.
2. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, especially when he had a “wooden” personality.
4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
5. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
7. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
8. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
9. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
10. Why did the crab never share? Because he was shellfish.
11. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
12. Why was the calendar always depressed? Because its days were numbered.
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
14. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
15. Why was the broom late? It swept in at the last minute.
16. Why was the baseball team always in trouble? Because they kept getting caught stealing bases.
17. Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund? Because he wanted to get a long little doggie.
18. Why did the gardener bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the vegetables needed to be raised.
19. Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
20. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!

1. Why did the banana go to school? Because it wanted to learn how to peel out in class!
2. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, but it still couldn’t count on its friends.
3. Why did the pencil blush? Because it saw the eraser doing a rub-out dance!
4. Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing!
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, especially when he had a “wooden” personality!
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired from all the wheelie-ing around!
7. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they don’t have the guts to do it!
8. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants, but it couldn’t buckle under the pressure!
9. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one, and he didn’t want to putt up with embarrassment!
10. Why did the crab never share? Because he was shellfish, and he didn’t want to shell out any of his goodies!
11. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open, and all the drafts got in!
12. Why was the calendar always depressed? Because its days were numbered, and it was running out of time!
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up, and they’re too fragile for the punchline!
14. Why was the broom late? It swept in at the last minute, but it still couldn’t brush off its tardiness!
15. Why was the baseball team always in trouble? Because they kept getting caught stealing bases, and they had a “pitch” for mischief!
16. Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund? Because he wanted to get a long little doggie and ride off into the sunset!
17. Why did the gardener bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the vegetables needed to be raised, and he was eager to help them reach new heights!
18. Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom, and it was feeling a bit shy!
19. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks, and it wanted to rock out with its feathers out!
20. Why did the tree get into trouble? Because it couldn’t stop branching out and leaf-ing its responsibilities behind!

1. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing undressing.
2. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
3. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic.
4. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
5. What’s the difference between a circus and a brothel? One has cunning stunts, the other has stunning… c***s.
6. What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
7. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
8. Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded to work on his emotional yeast.
9. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
10. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
11. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
12. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
13. Why was the belt locked up? It held up a pair of jeans in a no-pants zone.
14. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
15. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
16. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
17. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
18. Why was the football coach angry? Because his players were always tackling the wrong opponent.
19. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
20. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

1. Why did the gardener bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the bushes were getting trimmed.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
4. Why did the snowman look through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
5. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
6. Why was the football coach angry? Because his players were always tackling the wrong opponent.
7. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
8. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
9. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing undressing.
10. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
11. What’s the difference between a circus and a brothel? One has cunning stunts, the other has stunning… c***s.
12. What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
13. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
14. Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded to work on his emotional yeast.
15. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
16. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
18. Why was the belt locked up? It held up a pair of jeans in a no-pants zone.
19. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
20. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.

1. Why did the cheese break up with the cracker? Because it felt too grated.
2. What did the cheese say to the mirror? “Looking sharp, but I’m feeling extra sharp.”
3. Why did the cheese refuse to play cards? Because it was afraid of getting grated.
4. Why did the cheese go to therapy? It had too many emotional holes.
5. What did the cheese say to the wine? “You make me melt.”
6. Why was the cheese always the life of the party? Because it was so gouda-natured.
7. Why did the cheese go to school? To get shredded.
8. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? “Halloumi.”
9. Why did the cheese try yoga? To improve its cheddar-asana.
10. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
11. Why did the cheese go to the art museum? It wanted to be cultured.
12. Why did the cheese refuse to tell secrets? Because it always leaks.
13. What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror? “That’s grate!”
14. Why did the cheese get in trouble at school? It was too cheesy.
15. Why did the cheese go to the beach? It wanted to get a little sun-brie-zed.
16. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours on Valentine’s Day? Romano-tic.
17. Why was the cheese always confident? Because it was well-rounded.
18. Why was the cheese happy? It finally found its whey.
19. Why did the cheese go to the party alone? Because it couldn’t find a gouda date.
20. Why did the cheese decide to become a comedian? Because it wanted to make people melt with laughter.

Share a laugh !