240+ Hamlet jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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240+ Hamlet jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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  1. Why did Hamlet bring a ladder to the play? Because he heard the performance was going to be “off the wall.”
  2. What do you call Hamlet’s favorite vegetable? To be or not to pea.
  3. Why did Hamlet break up with Ophelia? Because she couldn’t decide whether to be or not to be with him.
  4. What do you get when you cross Hamlet with a telephone? To be or not to be – that is the ringtone!
  5. Why did Hamlet become a baker? Because he wanted to make Danish pastries.
  6. What’s Hamlet’s favorite type of music? Ghost-er rock!
  7. Why did Hamlet refuse to play hide and seek? Because he always got caught in his own soliloquies.
  8. What did Hamlet say to the procrastinating actor? “To act, or not to act, that is the question – and the answer is NOW!”
  9. Why was Hamlet a terrible soccer player? Because he couldn’t decide whether to kick or not to kick the ball.
  10. Why was Hamlet always calm during sword fights? Because he had a “point” to make.
  11. What do you call Hamlet’s favorite board game? To be or not to Boggle.
  12. Why did Hamlet become a gardener? Because he wanted to be surrounded by “groundlings.”
  13. What’s Hamlet’s favorite type of pet? A to beagle, or not to beagle.
  14. Why did Hamlet get a job as a librarian? Because he was always checking out Yorick’s skull.
  15. Why did Hamlet join the circus? Because he wanted to juggle his thoughts and emotions.
  16. What did Hamlet say when he found out he was out of ink? “Alas, poor Quill! I knew him, Horatio.”
  17. Why did Hamlet bring a map to the castle? Because he wanted to find his way through the maze of deceit.
  18. What do you call Hamlet’s favorite game show? To be or not to Jeopardy.
  19. Why did Hamlet go to therapy? Because he had too many “to be or not to be” moments.
  20. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his favorite book? “Something is rotten in the state of my bookshelf.”
  1. Why did Hamlet refuse to play cards? Because he always folded under pressure.
  2. What’s Hamlet’s favorite dessert? Tragic-flavored ice cream – it always leaves a bitter aftertaste.
  3. Why did Hamlet bring a mirror to the castle? To reflect on his existential crisis.
  4. What do you call Hamlet’s autobiography? “The Tragical History of My Life.”
  5. Why did Hamlet become a beekeeper? Because he wanted to be surrounded by buzz-worthy drama.
  6. What’s Hamlet’s favorite dance move? The existential shuffle.
  7. Why did Hamlet go to therapy? To figure out if he was really “mad” or just pretending.
  8. What’s Hamlet’s favorite type of humor? Dark comedy – just like his thoughts.
  9. Why did Hamlet never go to the beach? Because he couldn’t handle all the “sea” of troubles.
  10. What did Hamlet say when he stubbed his toe? “Alas, poor toe! I knew him, Horatio.”
  11. Why did Hamlet refuse to go to the party? Because he heard it was a “grave” affair.
  12. What’s Hamlet’s favorite movie genre? Existential thrillers.
  13. Why was Hamlet a terrible chef? Because he was always too busy contemplating the recipe.
  14. What did Hamlet say when he lost his hat? “To cap or not to cap, that is the question.”
  15. Why did Hamlet get a job as a fortune teller? Because he was always predicting his own demise.
  16. What’s Hamlet’s favorite sport? Skull bowling.
  17. Why did Hamlet break up with his girlfriend? Because he couldn’t handle the ghost of relationships past.
  18. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his keys? “Something is rotten in the state of my pockets.”
  19. Why did Hamlet become a comedian? Because he found humor in the absurdity of existence.
  20. What’s Hamlet’s favorite bedtime story? “To Sleep, Perchance to Dream: The Insomniac’s Guide to Existence.”

  1. Why did Hamlet bring a pencil to the theater? Because he wanted to draw his own conclusion.
  2. What did Hamlet say to his barber? “To cut, or not to cut, that is the question.”
  3. Why did Hamlet break up with Ophelia? Because she couldn’t handle his dramatic mood swings.
  4. How does Hamlet prefer his tea? To be or not to be steeped, that is the question.
  5. Why was Hamlet a terrible tennis player? Because he couldn’t decide whether to serve or not to serve.
  6. What did Hamlet say when he got a bad grade in English class? “Alas, poor Yorick, I failed him well.”
  7. Why was Hamlet always invited to parties? Because he was the prince of “toasting.”
  8. Why did Hamlet become a vegetarian? Because he couldn’t stomach the thought of “to meat or not to meat.”
  9. What’s Hamlet’s favorite kind of music? Soliloquies.
  10. Why did Hamlet bring a ladder to the theater? Because he wanted to reach the heights of drama.
  11. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his favorite book? “Something is rotten in the state of my bookshelf.”
  12. Why did Hamlet become a gardener? Because he had a thing for “to prune or not to prune” decisions.
  13. Why did Hamlet refuse to play hide and seek? Because he always wanted to be found, for “to hide or not to hide” was never a question for him.
  14. What did Hamlet say when he accidentally deleted his draft? “O, that this too too solid state would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a backup file!”
  15. Why did Hamlet make a good detective? Because he was always on the case of “to sleuth or not to sleuth.”
  16. Why did Hamlet switch to decaf? Because he found himself too “to wired or not to wired.”
  17. Why did Hamlet start a band? Because he wanted to play the “melancholy Dane-o.”
  18. What did Hamlet say to his procrastinating friend? “Get thee to a deadline.”
  19. Why did Hamlet go to therapy? Because he needed help sorting out his existential crisis.
  20. Why did Hamlet refuse to play cards? Because he always folded on “to bluff or not to bluff.”
  1. Why did Hamlet bring a map to the castle? Because he heard there were some “plot” twists.
  2. What’s Hamlet’s favorite party game? Musical “to be or not to be.”
  3. Why was Hamlet always invited to picnics? Because he brought the most “ham-let” sandwiches.
  4. What did Hamlet say when he lost his keys? “Alas, poor keychain, I knew it well.”
  5. Why did Hamlet go to the beach? To ponder the “seas” of troubles.
  6. What’s Hamlet’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The roller “coaster of emotions.”
  7. Why did Hamlet refuse to go camping? Because he didn’t want to sleep in a “tent” of Denmark.
  8. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his favorite shirt? “Something is rotten in the laundry basket.”
  9. Why did Hamlet refuse to go to the gym? Because he didn’t want to lift weights, he preferred lifting “weights of conscience.”
  10. What’s Hamlet’s favorite type of sushi? “To-raw or not to-raw,” that is the question.
  11. Why did Hamlet refuse to go bowling? Because he didn’t want to be haunted by the “ghost of strikes past.”
  12. What did Hamlet say to the delivery person? “To tip or not to tip, that is your fortune.”
  13. Why did Hamlet become a magician? Because he loved to make “to vanish or not to vanish” decisions.
  14. What’s Hamlet’s favorite video game? “To play or not to play: The Quest for Denmark.”
  15. Why did Hamlet refuse to join the circus? Because he didn’t want to juggle “to clown or not to clown.”
  16. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his socks? “Alas, poor footwear, they’ve been unmatched.”
  17. Why did Hamlet become a beekeeper? Because he wanted to ponder the mysteries of “to bee or not to bee.”
  18. What did Hamlet say when he saw a spider in his room? “To squash or not to squash, that is the dilemma.”
  19. Why did Hamlet start painting? Because he wanted to explore the art of “to brush or not to brush.”
  20. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t decide which shoes to wear? “To lace or not to lace, that is the tying question.”

  1. Why did Hamlet refuse to play hide and seek with Ophelia? Because he didn’t want to be the one left seeking soliloquies in the dark!
  2. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his favorite pen? “To write or not to write, that is the question!”
  3. Why did Hamlet always carry a map? Because he was afraid to be “lost in thought” and end up in “Denmark of mind!”
  4. How does Hamlet organize his bookshelf? With “Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well” as the shelf marker!
  5. Why did Hamlet bring a ladder to the theater? To reach the heights of his dramatic monologues, of course!
  6. Why was Hamlet a terrible gardener? Because whenever he planted seeds, he couldn’t help but ask, “To bloom or not to bloom?”
  7. What did Hamlet say when he discovered he was out of ink? “Words, words, words, but none to write with!”
  8. Why did Hamlet become a chef? Because he loved to be or not to be in the kitchen!
  9. Why did Hamlet fail as a comedian? Because he couldn’t decide whether to deliver punchlines or soliloquies!
  10. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his socks? “Something is rotten in the state of my laundry!”
  11. Why did Hamlet go to therapy? Because he couldn’t decide if he had too much “to be” or too much “not to be”!
  12. Why did Hamlet bring a ghost to the party? Because he heard it was a “haunt and seek” gathering!
  13. Why did Hamlet refuse to play poker? Because he didn’t want to fold like Ophelia’s flowers!
  14. Why did Hamlet open a bakery? Because he wanted to serve up some “to eat or not to eat” pastries!
  15. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his favorite skull? “Alas, poor Yorick, I seem to have misplaced thee again!”
  16. Why did Hamlet take up knitting? Because he wanted to ponder the question: “To stitch or not to stitch?”
  17. Why did Hamlet become a weatherman? Because he loved to forecast whether it would be “tempest” or “calm winds”!
  18. Why did Hamlet bring a mirror to the duel? So he could reflect on whether he truly wanted to “cross swords”!
  19. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t decide what to wear? “To dress up or not to dress up, that is the closet!”
  20. Why did Hamlet become a detective? Because he loved to investigate whether it was “foul play” or just “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”!
  1. Why did Hamlet bring a ghost to show and tell? Because he wanted to introduce his “dead-ication” to the class!
  2. Why did Hamlet’s dog sit quietly during the play? Because he was afraid of “bark-let” and didn’t want to be a “yelp-elia”!
  3. What did Hamlet say to the skull during lunchtime? “Alas, poor Yorick, you’re quite the bone-appetit!”
  4. Why did Hamlet refuse to play tag? Because he didn’t want to be “it” like his uncle’s guilt!
  5. Why did Hamlet’s sister bring a hula hoop to the castle? Because she wanted to be the “Ophelia-ring” champion!
  6. Why did Hamlet bring a shovel to school? To dig up the “to be or not to be” buried treasure!
  7. What did Hamlet do when he couldn’t sleep? He counted skulls instead of sheep!
  8. Why did Hamlet’s friend bring a compass to the play? To navigate through all the “directions” of the plot!
  9. Why did Hamlet’s cat sit in the corner of the room? Because it heard there were “mew-let” ghosts!
  10. What did Hamlet say to the wall? “To paint or not to paint, that is the question!”
  11. Why did Hamlet’s cousin bring a telescope to the picnic? To see if there were any “star-crossed” sandwiches!
  12. Why did Hamlet bring a rubber duck to the bath? Because he wanted to have a “to float or not to float” dilemma!
  13. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t find his toy sword? “Alas, poor Yorick, I seem to have misplaced my plaything!”
  14. Why did Hamlet’s friend wear sunglasses to the castle? Because he wanted to shield his eyes from all the “drama-let”!
  15. Why did Hamlet’s brother bring a ladder to the playground? To climb the “throne” of the jungle gym!
  16. Why did Hamlet’s teacher call him the prince of puns? Because he was always “bard-ing” jokes!
  17. What did Hamlet say to the frog in the moat? “To leap or not to leap, that is the amphibian question!”
  18. Why did Hamlet’s sister bring a map to the forest? To avoid getting lost in the “wood” of uncertainty!
  19. Why did Hamlet bring a magnifying glass to the castle? To investigate all the “tiny details” of his family’s secrets!
  20. What did Hamlet say when he couldn’t decide what to eat? “To snack or not to snack, that is the pantry dilemma!”

  1. Why did Hamlet’s uncle join a gym? To work on his “weights of guilt”!
  2. Why did Hamlet’s mother become a sommelier? Because she loved to pair her wines with “royal drama”!
  3. Why did Hamlet’s friend open a comedy club? Because he knew the best punchlines were found in “The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark”!
  4. Why did Hamlet’s father become a ghostwriter? Because he had a knack for haunting prose!
  5. Why did Hamlet’s aunt start a garden? To bury her secrets deeper than Ophelia’s flowers!
  6. Why did Hamlet’s advisor become a therapist? To help his clients deal with their “to be or not to be” dilemmas!
  7. Why did Hamlet’s girlfriend become a detective? To uncover the truth behind every “rotten” plot!
  8. Why did Hamlet’s brother invest in real estate? Because he wanted to own more than just “one vast and spacious grave”!
  9. Why did Hamlet’s fencing instructor open a bar? To serve up drinks with a side of “duel-ing” advice!
  10. Why did Hamlet’s uncle become a politician? Because he was a master at spinning his “web of lies”!
  11. Why did Hamlet’s cousin start a fashion line? To bring “to be or not to be” couture to the masses!
  12. Why did Hamlet’s advisor become a financial planner? To help clients navigate through the “sea of troubles”!
  13. Why did Hamlet’s father invest in stocks? Because he believed in the power of “eternal dividends”!
  14. Why did Hamlet’s mother open a spa? To relax away the stress of her “regal responsibilities”!
  15. Why did Hamlet’s friend start a book club? To discuss the deeper meanings of “The Mousetrap”!
  16. Why did Hamlet’s aunt become a chef? To cook up meals as rich and complex as her family’s drama!
  17. Why did Hamlet’s brother become a musician? Because he wanted to compose melodies as haunting as his ghostly visits!
  18. Why did Hamlet’s fencing instructor become a therapist? To help clients work through their “pointed” issues!
  19. Why did Hamlet’s cousin start a brewery? To brew beers with names like “To Ale or Not to Ale”!
  20. Why did Hamlet’s advisor start a podcast? To dissect Shakespeare’s works with a modern twist!
  1. Why did Hamlet’s dad make a terrible baseball player? Because he couldn’t decide whether to “swing” or not to “swing”!
  2. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a gardener? Because he loved to dig up dirt more than Claudius!
  3. Why did Hamlet’s dad refuse to play cards? Because he was always afraid of a “to deal or not to deal” situation!
  4. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a baker? Because he wanted to knead his way through life’s “dough” decisions!
  5. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a fisherman? Because he liked to reel in the catch of the day, just like Claudius!
  6. Why did Hamlet’s dad join a band? Because he wanted to rock out with his “Yorick” out!
  7. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a painter? Because he loved to brush up on his “to be or not to be” skills!
  8. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a comedian? Because he had a knack for delivering “skull-cracking” punchlines!
  9. Why did Hamlet’s dad bring a map to the family reunion? To avoid getting lost in all the “to hug or not to hug” dilemmas!
  10. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a weatherman? Because he always wanted to forecast whether it would be “tempest” or “calm winds”!
  11. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a plumber? Because he liked to fix leaks more than he liked fixing family drama!
  12. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a teacher? Because he wanted to impart wisdom like Polonius, minus the spying!
  13. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a detective? Because he loved to solve mysteries more than he loved haunting Elsinore!
  14. Why did Hamlet’s dad bring a telescope to the picnic? To keep an eye on the family drama from a safe distance!
  15. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a beekeeper? Because he wanted to be surrounded by buzz, unlike poor Ophelia!
  16. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a chef? Because he loved to cook up solutions to family conflicts!
  17. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a magician? Because he wanted to make his problems disappear faster than you can say “abracadabra”!
  18. Why did Hamlet’s dad bring a ladder to the theater? To get a better view of the play, of course, and to avoid ending up in the orchestra pit like Yorick!
  19. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a pilot? Because he wanted to soar above all the drama, just like a ghost!
  20. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a photographer? Because he wanted to capture memories before they became as fleeting as “the undiscovered country”!

  1. Why did Hamlet refuse to play cards? Because he didn’t want to deal with a “to deal or not to deal” situation!
  2. Why did Hamlet bring a ladder to the theater? So he could “climb” to the heights of dramatic excellence!
  3. Why did Hamlet’s uncle go to the dentist? To fix his “rotten” tooth, of course!
  4. Why did Hamlet become a gardener? Because he wanted to see if he could “dig” up any dirt on Claudius!
  5. Why did Hamlet’s mom bring a broom to the castle? To sweep away all the “skeletons” in the closet!
  6. Why did Hamlet’s friend bring a map to the forest? To find the “root” of all evil!
  7. Why did Hamlet’s cousin open a bakery? To bake up some “dough-licious” treats!
  8. Why did Hamlet’s advisor become a chef? Because he wanted to cook up some “poisonous” dishes!
  9. Why did Hamlet’s aunt become a painter? To brush up on her skills and “color” the town red!
  10. Why did Hamlet’s uncle become a musician? Because he wanted to “play” with his guilty conscience!
  11. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a magician? To make his problems “disappear”!
  12. Why did Hamlet’s sister bring a compass to the picnic? To navigate through all the “directions” of the family drama!
  13. Why did Hamlet’s friend bring a telescope to the beach? To “sea” if he could find any “shady” characters!
  14. Why did Hamlet’s mom become a therapist? To help everyone deal with their “ham-let” issues!
  15. Why did Hamlet’s advisor become a weatherman? So he could forecast if it was going to be “to storm or not to storm”!
  16. Why did Hamlet’s dad become a gardener? Because he wanted to grow some “poisonous” plants!
  17. Why did Hamlet’s brother become a banker? To count all the “coin-spiracies”!
  18. Why did Hamlet’s aunt become a chef? Because she wanted to whip up some “royally” delicious meals!
  19. Why did Hamlet’s cousin bring a mirror to the duel? So he could reflect on his “swords-man-ship”!
  20. Why did Hamlet’s advisor become a dentist? To fix everyone’s “rotten” smiles!

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