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1. Why did the Dalek apply for a job at the bakery? To exterminate the buns!
2. How does the Doctor like to surf the internet? On the TARDIS-connection!
3. What do you call a Time Lord who loves gardening? Doctor Hoe!
4. Why don’t Cybermen go on vacation? They’re too wired to relax!
5. How does the Doctor throw a party? With lots of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey fun!
6. Why did the Weeping Angel start a band? It wanted to rock and never roll!
7. What’s the Doctor’s favorite instrument? The Sonic Screwdriver Organ!
8. Why was K-9 a great detective? Because he always followed his nose circuits!
9. What do you call a Gallifreyan dessert? Time Lord’s Tiramisu!
10. Why did the Master open a restaurant? To serve up some real time-honored dishes!
11. How do Time Lords stay fit? They do a lot of running…through time!
12. Why did the Silence get a promotion? Because nobody could remember their mistakes!
13. What did the TARDIS say to the black hole? “Don’t pull me in, I’m just passing through!”
14. Why did the Doctor become a DJ? Because he knew how to mix up the timelines!
15. What’s a Sontaran’s favorite type of music? War pop!
16. How do Daleks make decisions? They just EX-TERM-IN-ATE all doubts!
17. Why did the Doctor bring a pencil to the moon? To draw the best lunar landscape!
18. What did River Song say to the librarian? “Spoilers… are in the fiction section!”
19. Why was the TARDIS always invited to parties? Because it was the life of the timeline!
20. Why did the Doctor become a referee? To stop the Time War!

1. I tell ya, my wife and I were happy for 20 years…then we met!
2. I get no respect. Even my GPS told me to get lost!
3. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places!
4. I get no respect at all. I played hide and seek with the kids, and they didn’t even look for me!
5. When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot. But I always found them!
6. I get no respect, I tell ya. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I want a second opinion. He said, “Okay, you’re ugly too!”
7. I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out!
8. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I’ve never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
9. I tell ya, I get no respect. I joined a weight-loss program, and they sent me a “before” picture of someone else!
10. My son’s birthday cake had candles on both sides. It wasn’t for his age; it was for my income!
11. Even my dog gets no respect. He’s so ugly, the vet makes us pay in advance!
12. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender!
13. I tell ya, I’m not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl – the fold went right over my face!
14. I went to see my doctor. “Doc, every morning I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect!”
15. I tell ya, my family is rough. I looked up my family tree and found out I’m the sap!
16. I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So, I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance!
17. I tell ya, my wife is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell “Taxi!”
18. I get no respect, I tell ya. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, “There goes the neighborhood!”
19. I tell ya, I don’t get no respect. When I was a kid, I worked in a pet store, and people kept asking how big I’d get!
20. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!

1. Why did the pharmacist bring a ladder to CVS? To reach the top shelf of the receipts!
2. I went to CVS for toothpaste, and by the time I left, I had a novel-length receipt and no memory of why I went there!
3. CVS has a new slogan: “Your receipt is our best novel yet!”
4. Why did the shopper get lost in CVS? They couldn’t find their way out of the receipt aisle!
5. CVS started selling memory foam pillows. Good thing, because you’ll need one after reading the receipt!
6. Why did the vampire love CVS? All those long receipts make great capes!
7. I bought a pack of gum at CVS and got a receipt long enough to use as a scarf!
8. CVS should open a library section. With receipts that long, they’re halfway there!
9. What do you call a CVS receipt in a windstorm? A paper hurricane!
10. Why do CVS receipts make great Christmas decorations? Because they’re already the length of a garland!
11. I bought a greeting card at CVS and got a receipt long enough to write my life story!
12. Why did the scarecrow go to CVS? To get a receipt long enough to stuff himself!
13. CVS receipts are so long, they’re offering classes on how to read them!
14. Why did the poet shop at CVS? Because the receipts are the perfect length for epic poems!
15. I went to CVS for a bandage and got a receipt that could double as a mummy wrap!
16. Why did the gym open next to CVS? So people could lift their receipts as weights!
17. CVS receipts are the new black belts—only true masters can fold them neatly!
18. Why did the runner stop at CVS? To get a receipt long enough for a finish line tape!
19. CVS started a new contest: whoever can fold a receipt perfectly wins free origami classes!
20. I asked for a shorter receipt at CVS, and they gave me a roll of toilet paper instead!

1. Why did the shopper bring a suitcase to CVS? To carry the receipt!
2. CVS is starting a new sport: receipt wrapping. Winners get a year’s supply of ink!
3. Why did the archaeologist visit CVS? To study the ancient scrolls—also known as receipts!
4. Went to CVS for a candy bar. Now I have a receipt long enough to use as a table runner!
5. Why did the magician shop at CVS? Because every receipt is a disappearing act!
6. Why does CVS never need to buy streamers? They just use their receipts for party decorations!
7. What do you call a CVS receipt in space? Interstellar papyrus!
8. Why did the marathon runner stop at CVS? To get a receipt long enough to measure their run!
9. I asked for a gift receipt at CVS, and they handed me a roll of wallpaper!
10. Why did the pirate go to CVS? To get a treasure map-length receipt!
11. CVS receipts are the only thing longer than my to-do list!
12. Why don’t CVS employees get lost? They follow the receipt back to the register!
13. I went to CVS for some band-aids. Now I can use the receipt to wrap my entire body!
14. Why did the novelist shop at CVS? For receipt inspiration—literally pages of it!
15. Why did the detective visit CVS? To solve the mystery of the endless receipt!
16. CVS receipts are the only paper trail you’ll need to find your way out of a maze!
17. I bought a pen at CVS and got a receipt long enough to write a novel!
18. Why did the tailor love CVS? All the receipts make great measuring tapes!
19. What do CVS receipts and the Great Wall have in common? Both are visible from space!
20. Went to CVS for nail polish. Came out with a receipt that’s my new closet wallpaper!

1. I went to Dangerfield’s farm, even the cows give sour milk, I tell ya!
2. At Dangerfield’s restaurant, even the leftovers leave early, I get no respect!
3. Dangerfield’s library is so quiet, even the books whisper, I tell ya!
4. I visited Dangerfield’s zoo, even the monkeys refused to show me the ropes!
5. Dangerfield’s pool is so cold, even the ice cubes bring jackets, I tell ya!
6. I went to Dangerfield’s comedy club, even the microphones have stage fright!
7. At Dangerfield’s gym, even the dumbbells play smart, I get no respect!
8. Dangerfield’s bakery is so tough, even the dough rises out of fear!
9. I stayed at Dangerfield’s hotel, even the bed bugs checked out, I tell ya!
10. Dangerfield’s barber is so rough, even the clippers need a haircut!
11. I went to Dangerfield’s dentist, even the cavities run and hide, I get no respect!
12. At Dangerfield’s airport, even the planes take off on foot, I tell ya!
13. Dangerfield’s tailor is so bad, even the mannequins look away!
14. I went to Dangerfield’s school, even the pencils miss the point!
15. Dangerfield’s garden is so barren, even the weeds pack up and leave!
16. At Dangerfield’s concert, even the music takes a break, I get no respect!
17. Dangerfield’s carnival is so sad, even the clowns shed real tears!
18. I went to Dangerfield’s beach, even the sandcastles surrender to the waves!
19. Dangerfield’s car wash is so bad, even the dirt refuses to come off!
20. At Dangerfield’s pizza place, even the cheese pulls a disappearing act, I tell ya!

1. I went to CVS to get a receipt, and by the time it finished printing, I had to renew my driver’s license!
2. CVS receipts are so long, they have their own mile markers!
3. I used a CVS receipt as a tape measure, now my house is perfectly aligned!
4. CVS receipts are so lengthy, they could double as a runway for model airplanes!
5. I wrapped my Christmas presents with CVS receipts, and still had enough left for New Year’s gifts!
6. CVS receipts are so extensive, I use them as streamers at parties!
7. My dog got lost, but thankfully I had a CVS receipt to leave a trail back home!
8. I ran a marathon and used a CVS receipt to mark each mile, it was more than enough!
9. CVS receipts are so long, they could be the red carpet at the Oscars!
10. I tried to read my CVS receipt, but I got tired halfway through and had to take a nap!
11. CVS receipts are so extensive, they come with a map and a “You Are Here” marker!
12. I went to CVS and got a receipt so long, I had to rent a U-Haul to bring it home!
13. CVS receipts are so lengthy, they’re being considered for the next Guinness World Record!
14. I used a CVS receipt to rappel down a mountain, and had plenty left over!
15. CVS receipts are so long, you can use them to chart constellations in the night sky!
16. I took my CVS receipt to a fortune teller, and she said, “Your future is written all over this!”
17. CVS receipts are so extensive, they have their own table of contents!
18. I tried to fold my CVS receipt, but I ended up with a paper crane large enough to ride!
19. CVS receipts are so long, they could double as emergency fire escape ladders!
20. I went to CVS, and the receipt was so lengthy, I used it as a banner for my garage sale!

1. Why did the banana go to CVS? To get a-peel-ing bandages!
2. What did the CVS receipt say to the printer? “Can you keep up with me?”
3. Why did the teddy bear go to CVS? To get some gummy bears for a snack!
4. What do you get when you cross a CVS receipt and a magic carpet? A flying pharmacy!
5. Why did the cookie visit CVS? To find some chips for his chip-ahoy friends!
6. What did the little boy say after leaving CVS? “Mom, I think I just grew taller than the receipt!”
7. Why did the bookworm love CVS? Because the receipts made perfect bookmarks!
8. What’s a CVS pharmacist’s favorite game? Tic-Tac-Toe on the receipt!
9. Why did the cat go to CVS? To pick up some whisker cream!
10. How did the CVS receipt win the race? It had a head start and kept on rolling!
11. Why did the robot go to CVS? To get a charge out of the battery section!
12. What did the CVS cashier say to the ocean? “Here’s a receipt long enough to measure your waves!”
13. Why did the ghost shop at CVS? To pick up some boo-boo ointment!
14. How do you play hide and seek at CVS? Just hide behind the receipt, no one will find you!
15. What’s a CVS receipt’s favorite sport? Roll-er skating!
16. Why did the dinosaur go to CVS? To get some “Jurassic” pain relief!
17. What did the kid say when he saw the CVS receipt? “Mom, we can use this as a jump rope!”
18. Why did the superhero visit CVS? To get a super long cape made out of the receipt!
19. How does Santa use a CVS receipt? As his naughty and nice list, it’s long enough for both!
20. Why did the dog sit outside CVS? He heard they had “treats” and “tricks” printed on the receipt!

1. Why did the mathematician love shopping at CVS? The receipts gave him plenty of room to solve equations!
2. CVS receipts are so long, they come with an intermission and a snack bar!
3. Why did the novelist shop at CVS? She needed inspiration, and the receipt was longer than her next chapter!
4. I went to CVS for a quick purchase and came out with a receipt so long, it doubled as my weekly planner!
5. Why did the stand-up comedian go to CVS? To get a receipt long enough to write all his jokes on!
6. What did the CVS receipt say to the shopper? “Hang on, I’m still unfolding my life story!”
7. Why did the lawyer love CVS receipts? They were long enough to brief a whole case!
8. CVS receipts are so long, they need their own zip code!
9. Why did the philosopher shop at CVS? He pondered the meaning of life while reading the receipt!
10. Why did the architect go to CVS? To get a receipt long enough to draft his next building!
11. I got a CVS receipt so long, I used it to make a new set of curtains!
12. CVS receipts are so long, they come with a warning: “Objects in receipt may be closer than they appear!”
13. Why did the artist shop at CVS? She needed a canvas, and the receipt was perfect!
14. What did the marathon runner say about the CVS receipt? “I thought I signed up for a race, not a read-a-thon!”
15. Why did the scientist shop at CVS? He needed a receipt long enough to write his entire research paper on!
16. CVS receipts are so long, they have their own Table of Contents!
17. Why did the director go to CVS? He needed a script, and the receipt was longer than any screenplay!
18. What do you get when you cross a CVS receipt and a yoga mat? Enough room for the whole class!
19. CVS receipts are so long, you could use them to measure the Great Wall of China!
20. Why did the astronaut take a CVS receipt to space? To measure the distance to the moon and back!

1. Why did the scarecrow go to CVS? He heard they had unbeatable straw prices!
2. What do you call a CVS receipt that becomes a bestseller? Paper-back!
3. Why did the dad bring a ladder to CVS? Because the prices were through the roof!
4. What’s a CVS receipt’s favorite type of music? Long plays!
5. Why did the broom go to CVS? It wanted to sweep up some deals!
6. How did the dad fix the broken clock? He took it to CVS for some timeless deals!
7. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a CVS receipt? Frosty the long man!
8. Why did the computer go to CVS? It needed some byte-sized snacks!
9. What did the dad say to the CVS receipt? “You’re just my type, extra-long and full of savings!”
10. Why did the tomato turn red at CVS? Because it saw the salad dressing!
11. How does a CVS receipt apologize? It says, “I’m sorry for the lengthy explanation!”
12. What did the ocean say to CVS? “Nothing, it just waved… with a long receipt!”
13. Why did the dad take a pen to CVS? In case he needed to draw out the savings!
14. What did the grape do at CVS? It let out a little wine about the long receipt!
15. Why did the belt go to CVS? It wanted to buckle up for the long receipt ride!
16. Why did the dad bring a flashlight to CVS? To see the end of the receipt!
17. What’s a CVS receipt’s favorite game? Hide and scroll!
18. Why did the bicycle go to CVS? It heard they had great spokes-persons!
19. How does a CVS receipt stay in shape? It does plenty of scroll-ups!
20. Why did the golfer go to CVS? To get a long drive… and a longer receipt!

Share a laugh !