Share a laugh !

1. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
2. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear, and the other’s a great year!
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything… especially fart jokes!
4. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta… just like my dating profile!
5. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
6. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil!
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, just like my neighbor’s dog!
8. What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean!
9. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
10. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot… squawking about its impending doom!
11. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
12. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired… just like my dad’s puns!
13. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved… but secretly they were plotting a tsunami!
14. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems… just like my love life!
15. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
16. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
18. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
19. What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead… but don’t get ahead of yourself!”
20. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling very well!

1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts… or the muscles!
2. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems, and not enough solutions… just like my love life!
3. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care… kind of like my attitude towards taxes!
4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, and it was about to get tossed!
5. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta… just like my fake ID!
6. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants… it was caught in the act!
7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything… including really bad pickup lines!
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… unlike me in gym class!
9. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot… squawking about its terrible fate!
10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired… just like my attempts at multitasking!
11. Why was the math book happy? Because it finally solved its own problems… unlike me with my taxes!
12. What’s brown and sticky? A stick… or my roommate’s sense of humor!
13. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
14. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one… or a hole in none, just like my golf game!
15. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear… or my grandpa after a visit to the dentist!
16. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling very well… or because it slipped on its own peel!
17. Why don’t skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs… just like a poorly attended concert!
18. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted… or because he was too busy prowling around!
19. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite… or a chilly Halloween party!
20. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks… and a killer sense of rhythm!

1. Why did the toilet paper roll downhill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom of things!
2. Why did the germ cross the road? To infect the chicken on the other side!
3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
4. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
5. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
6. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
8. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
9. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
10. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
11. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up!
12. Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make liquid assets!
13. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
14. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
15. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
16. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
17. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
18. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
19. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
20. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!

1. Why did the bread go to therapy? It had too many crumbs in its past.
2. Why was the broom late? It overswept!
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
4. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
5. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
7. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re shellfish!
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field!
9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything!
10. Why did the chicken join a band? It had the drumsticks!
11. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
12. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!
13. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
14. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets!
15. Why did the germ cross the road? To infect the chicken on the other side!
16. Why did the toilet paper roll downhill? It wanted to get to the bottom of things!
17. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
18. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing!
19. Why did the math book cry? It had too many problems!
20. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They’re shellfish!

1. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom and wipe the slate clean, but it ended up in a crappy situation!
2. What did one butt cheek say to the other? “If we stick together, we can crack any problem that comes our way!”
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, plus it would just end up being a bone-crushing experience!
4. What did the bathroom sink say to the toilet? “You always get all the attention, but I’m the one who handles all the dirty work!”
5. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems and not enough solutions, just like a constipated mathematician!
6. Why was the nose always in trouble? Because it was always picking fights and getting itself into booger-y situations!
7. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and couldn’t ketchup with its emotions!
8. Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants that committed a crime, but it couldn’t hold its own trousers!
9. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling very well and felt a bit mushy inside!
10. Why was the ocean always so blue? Because it never got a chance to seas the day and break out of its melancholy!
11. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of standing up straight and wanted to take a brake!
12. Why was the broom always so uptight? Because it had a lot of sweeping to do and couldn’t handle the messiness of life!
13. Why did the tomato turn green? Because it saw the salad and got jealous, but then it realized it’s better to be ripe than envious!
14. Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had too many viruses and needed to reboot its emotional software!
15. Why was the clock always worried? Because it had too many ticks and not enough time to unwind!
16. Why did the pencil go to the party alone? Because it heard it would be a sharp affair and didn’t want to be left lead-less!
17. Why was the light bulb always so bright? Because it had a filament of hope and never let the darkness dim its spirit!
18. Why did the tomato turn purple? Because it was feeling blue and needed to ketchup with its inner eggplant!
19. Why was the pillow always sleepy? Because it was always under a lot of pressure and needed a good fluffing!
20. Why did the mushroom always get invited to parties? Because it was a fungi and knew how to spore good times!

1. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
2. What did one piece of gum say to the other? “I’m stuck on you like snot on a tissue!”
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
4. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
5. What’s the grossest vegetable? Snotatoes!
6. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
7. What did the blanket say to the bed? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!”
8. Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants!
9. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well!
10. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
11. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired!
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
13. What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!”
14. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
15. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
16. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
18. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
19. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine!
20. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything…including excuses!
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts… or the muscle!
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… and also quite good at scaring off birds!
4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing… and wanted to ketchup!
5. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems… and not enough solutions!
6. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one… or had a sudden urge to moon the other players!
7. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well… and it had split ends!
8. What’s the grossest vegetable? Snotatoes… they’re not your ordinary potatoes!
9. Why did the blanket say to the bed? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered… and I’ll keep you warm all night long!”
10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired… and needed a kickstand!
11. Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants… that were guilty of fashion crimes!
12. Why did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine… and then rolled away in embarrassment!
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up… and nobody wants egg on their face!
14. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved… and occasionally made waves!
15. Why did the math book feel sad? Because it had too many problems… and it just couldn’t add up!
16. Why did the pencil go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved issues… and lead a broken life!
17. Why did the candle break up with the match? It felt burned out… and needed some space to rekindle its flame!
18. Why did the cheese refuse to be sliced? It was fed up with being grated… and wanted to be a whole wheel!
19. Why was the toilet paper roll down the hill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom… and start a new roll!
20. What did one piece of gum say to the other? “I’m stuck on you like snot on a tissue… and I’m not letting go!”

1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts… or the muscles, for that matter!
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… and had a corny sense of humor!
3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing… and wanted to ketchup on the latest gossip!
4. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems… and not enough solutions, just like my job!
5. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one… or a birdie in the wrong place!
6. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well… and its appeal was slipping away!
7. What’s the grossest vegetable? Snotatoes… they’re the booger of the vegetable world!
8. Why did the blanket say to the bed? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered… just like my dad jokes cover every conversation!”
9. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired… just like me after a long day of dad jokes!
10. Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants… that were caught sagging in public!
11. Why did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine… and then rolled away like a drunkard!
12. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up… and we’d end up with a scrambled mess!
13. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved… like my hand when I’m trying to be funny!
14. Why did the math book feel sad? Because it had too many problems… and it couldn’t count on anyone for help!
15. Why did the pencil go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved issues… and needed to get its point across!
16. Why did the candle break up with the match? It felt burned out… and needed to find a flame that sparked its interest!
17. Why did the cheese refuse to be sliced? It was fed up with being grated… and wanted to be a wedge on its own!
18. Why was the toilet paper roll down the hill? Because it wanted to get to the bottom… and wipe out any competition!
19. What did one piece of gum say to the other? “I’m stuck on you like snot on a tissue… and I’m sticking around for the long haul!”

1. Why was the cheese so sad? Because it couldn’t find anyone to brie with!
2. What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror? “You’re looking gouda today!”
3. Why did the cheese refuse to be sliced? Because it didn’t want to be grated on!
4. What did the cheese say to the comedian? “You’re so cheesy, I can’t even provolone!”
5. Why did the cheese go to the party? Because it wanted to be the big cheese!
6. What’s a cheese’s favorite TV show? “The Big Bang Ricotta!”
7. Why did the cheese blush? Because it saw the salad dressing and felt blue!
8. What did the cheese say to the bread? “You’re the butter to my bread, the cheese to my macaroni!”
9. What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror? “Halloumi!”
10. Why did the cheese bring a ladder to the party? Because it wanted to get cheddar with everyone!
11. What’s a cheese’s favorite music genre? Brie-hop!
12. Why did the cheese sit next to the fireplace? Because it wanted to get toasty!
13. What did the cheese say when it fell off the table? “I’m falling and I can’t get up… until someone puts me on a cracker!”
14. Why was the cheese so confident? Because it believed in its cheddar self!
15. What did the cheese say to the wine? “You complement me perfectly!”
16. Why did the cheese break up with the wine? Because it couldn’t handle the pairing pressure!
17. What’s a cheese’s favorite dance move? The Limburger Leap!
18. Why did the cheese wear sunglasses? Because it was too gouda to be true!
19. What did the cheese say to the knife? “Cut it out, I’m getting grated!”
20. Why did the cheese get a job as a DJ? Because it wanted to turn up the cheddar!

Share a laugh !