240+ Bagel jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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240+ Bagel jokes – Funny, Short, Dirty, Long…

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  1. Why did the bagel go to school? Because it wanted to be a little more well-rounded!
  2. What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread? “You’re just a crusty old thing, but I’m the real hole-y one around here!”
  3. Why don’t bagels ever get lost? Because they always know their way around the dough!
  4. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Poppyseed!
  5. How does a bagel greet its friends? With a lox and a smile!
  6. Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It was tired of all the glazing over their problems!
  7. What did the bagel say when it got a job promotion? “I’m on a roll now!”
  8. How do you unlock a bagel’s potential? Give it some sesame seeds and watch it rise!
  9. What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You really know how to heat things up!”
  10. Why did the bagel go to therapy? It had a lot of emotional baggage!
  11. Why was the bagel so good at baseball? Because it was always on a roll!
  12. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of movie? A dough-umentary!
  13. How do bagels stay in shape? They do lots of gluten-free workouts!
  14. Why did the bagel go to outer space? It wanted to be the first bread in orbit!
  15. What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “You complete me!”
  16. Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? It wanted to reach the highest shelf and be the top bun!
  17. What did one bagel say to the other during a race? “Let’s not loaf around, we knead to finish this!”
  18. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby!
  19. What’s a bagel’s favorite board game? Trivial Pursuit, because it loves a good everything question!
  20. Why don’t bagels ever argue? Because they always know how to rise above the yeast of their problems!
  1. Why was the bagel always invited to parties? Because it was the life of the brunch!
  2. What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel-air!
  3. Why did the bagel go to the beach? It wanted to get a little toasty!
  4. How does a bagel answer the phone? “Ahoy bagel speaking, who’s spreading the word?”
  5. Why don’t bagels ever get into arguments? Because they always see the hole picture!
  6. What did the bagel say to the breadstick? “You’re really on a stick-y situation!”
  7. Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It couldn’t handle the schmear pressure!
  8. What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? The twist and dough-si-do!
  9. Why was the bagel always calm? It knew how to roll with the punches!
  10. How does a bagel navigate through traffic? It uses its carbo-dash-ian skills!
  11. Why did the bagel refuse to play hide and seek? Because it knew it would be found in a ‘bread’ place!
  12. What did the bagel say to the donut? “You might be sweet, but I’m a hole lot tastier!”
  13. Why did the bagel go to the comedy club? It wanted to get a rise out of the audience!
  14. What’s a bagel’s favorite exercise? The gluten-free shuffle!
  15. Why don’t bagels make good musicians? Because they always get stuck in a jam!
  16. What did one bagel say to the other about their vacation? “It was a hole lot of fun!”
  17. Why did the bagel bring a map to the bakery? It didn’t want to get lost in the dough!
  18. What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Roll-er skating!
  19. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It was feeling a little crumbly!
  20. What did the bagel say to the croissant about their math test? “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, we’re both well-rounded!”

  1. Why was the bagel always a great listener? Because it knew how to lend an ear (or two)!
  2. What’s a bagel’s favorite mode of transportation? The gluten-free express!
  3. How did the bagel find its soulmate? It used a little bit of lox and key!
  4. Why did the bagel refuse to play cards? It didn’t want to be dealt a raw deal!
  5. What did the bagel say to the croissant during a debate? “Let’s keep this discussion well-rounded!”
  6. Why did the bagel start a business? Because it wanted to make some dough!
  7. What’s a bagel’s favorite Shakespeare play? “A Midsummer Night’s Scream for Cream Cheese!”
  8. How does a bagel solve problems? By thinking outside the bun!
  9. Why did the bagel refuse to join the circus? It didn’t want to be a part of the hole-y show!
  10. What’s a bagel’s favorite science subject? Quantum dough-namics!
  11. Why did the bagel win the Nobel Prize? Because it had a lot of gluten for discovery!
  12. What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread during an argument? “Stop loafing around and rise to the occasion!”
  13. How does a bagel greet its friends in the morning? With a dough-lightful smile!
  14. Why did the bagel become an artist? Because it knew how to create a masterpiece with every roll!
  15. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of math? Dough-culus!
  16. Why did the bagel refuse to watch horror movies? It didn’t want to be haunted by its past (riesen)!
  17. What did the bagel say to the biscuit during a race? “I hope you’re ready to eat my dusting of sesame seeds!”
  18. Why did the bagel go to the museum? To see some ancient grain artifacts!
  19. What’s a bagel’s favorite book genre? Mystery, because it loves to uncover the truth behind every hole!
  20. Why was the bagel always at peace? Because it had a zen-like dough-termination!
  1. Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little more well-rounded!
  2. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Poppyseed!
  3. How does a bagel greet its friends? With a lox and a smile!
  4. Why was the bagel always calm? It knew how to roll with it!
  5. What’s a bagel’s favorite movie genre? A dough-umentary!
  6. Why don’t bagels ever argue? They always see the hole picture!
  7. What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You really know how to heat things up!”
  8. Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It was tired of all the glazing over their problems!
  9. What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “You complete me!”
  10. Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? It wanted to reach the highest shelf and be the top bun!
  11. What did one bagel say to the other during a race? “Let’s not loaf around, we knead to finish this!”
  12. Why did the bagel go to outer space? It wanted to be the first bread in orbit!
  13. What did the bagel say to the breadstick? “You’re really on a stick-y situation!”
  14. Why did the bagel refuse to play hide and seek? It knew it would be found in a ‘bread’ place!
  15. What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? The twist and dough-si-do!
  16. Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It couldn’t handle the schmear pressure!
  17. What did the bagel say to the croissant about their math test? “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, we’re both well-rounded!”
  18. Why was the bagel always calm? It knew how to roll with the punches!
  19. What’s a bagel’s favorite board game? Trivial Pursuit, because it loves a good everything question!
  20. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby!

  1. Once upon a time, in a bustling bakery nestled in the heart of Bagelton, there lived a bagel named Benny. Benny was not your ordinary bagel; he was a dreamer, an adventurer at heart. Every morning, he would gaze out of the bakery window, yearning for the world beyond the flour-coated walls. “Someday,” Benny would whisper to himself, “I’ll see the world beyond Bagelton!”

    Day after day, Benny would watch as customers came and went, each one taking a little piece of Bagelton with them. But Benny remained, bound by the ties of dough and yeast. However, one fateful morning, as the sun rose over Bagelton, Benny’s opportunity for adventure came knocking.

    A group of travelers entered the bakery, their backpacks laden with maps and their hearts full of wanderlust. Among them was a curious soul named Emily, who caught Benny’s eye with her infectious smile and adventurous spirit. “Come with us, Benny,” she said, her voice filled with excitement. “We’re embarking on a journey to explore the seven bread wonders of the world!”

    Benny’s heart raced with anticipation as he realized that this was his chance to break free from the confines of Bagelton. With a leap of faith, he joined Emily and her companions on their quest for culinary discovery.

    Their journey took them far and wide, from the towering peaks of Mount Bagelhorn to the bustling streets of Bagelopolis. Along the way, Benny experienced flavors he had never imagined and sights that took his breath away. He tasted the sweetness of honey-infused bagels in Bagelaysia, danced to the rhythm of salsa in Bagelxico, and even braved the fiery heat of jalapeno bagels in Bagelombia.

    But amidst the excitement and adventure, Benny never forgot his roots in Bagelton. With each new experience, he carried a piece of home in his heart, sharing stories of his beloved bakery with newfound friends from around the globe.

    Eventually, their journey came to an end, but Benny’s thirst for adventure remained unquenched. With a newfound sense of confidence and a pocketful of memories, he bid farewell to his companions and returned to Bagelton, where he shared tales of his travels with the eager listeners who gathered at the bakery.

    From that day forward, Benny became known as the bravest bagel in all of Bagelton, a symbol of courage and curiosity for generations to come. And though he may have traveled far and wide, his true home would always be among the flour-coated walls of the bakery where his journey began.

  1. Why did the bagel bring an umbrella to school? Because it heard it was going to be a little cloudy with a chance of sprinkles!
  2. What did the bagel say to the bread? “You’re my butter half!”
  3. Why don’t bagels ever get lost? Because they always know their way around the dough!
  4. What do you call a bagel that’s a detective? A sher-lox bagel!
  5. How does a bagel tie its shoes? With a dough-knot!
  6. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby!
  7. What did the bagel say to the donut? “Stop glazing over the facts!”
  8. Why did the bagel go to school early? Because it wanted to be a little more well-rounded!
  9. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of movie? A rom-com, because it loves a good doughy love story!
  10. Why was the bagel always happy? Because it had a hole lot to smile about!
  11. What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You’re so toasty!”
  12. Why did the bagel blush? Because it saw the cream cheese spreading!
  13. How does a bagel answer the phone? “Ahoy bagel speaking, who’s spreading the word?”
  14. What did the bagel say to the bicycle? “Stop loafing around and get rolling!”
  15. Why don’t bagels ever get tired of telling jokes? Because they always have a ‘hole’ lot of puns!
  16. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of fish? A lox of course!
  17. Why did the bagel refuse to play football? It was afraid of getting creamed!
  18. What did the bagel say to the croissant during a race? “You’re just a flaky competitor!”
  19. Why did the bagel go to the dance party? Because it wanted to show off its twist and dough-si-do moves!
  20. Why don’t bagels ever get angry? Because they always rise above the yeast of their problems!

  1. Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It couldn’t handle the schmear pressure!
  2. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of party? A toast-ty affair with a little bit of lox and music!
  3. Why did the bagel bring a bottle of wine to the bakery? Because it wanted to pair perfectly with the cheese!
  4. How does a bagel flirt? It says, “Are you a toaster? Because you make me feel warm and toasty!”
  5. What did the bagel say to the coffee? “You’re the cream in my cup, baby!”
  6. Why was the bagel always the life of the brunch? Because it knew how to spread joy wherever it went!
  7. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of vacation? A relaxing beach getaway with a side of smoked salmon!
  8. Why did the bagel refuse to go to the gym? It didn’t want to get too toasted!
  9. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of cocktail? A bagelini, shaken not stirred!
  10. Why did the bagel refuse to join the bread club? It didn’t want to be tied down to just one group!
  11. What did the bagel say to the muffin at the bar? “Hey, sugar, are you raisin my dough?!”
  12. Why did the bagel sign up for cooking classes? It wanted to learn how to roll with the dough!
  13. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Anything with a little bit of jazz and a lot of flavor!
  14. Why did the bagel go to the party dressed as a donut? It wanted to be the ‘hole’ center of attention!
  15. What did the bagel say to the avocado? “You complete me, just like cream cheese completes you!”
  16. Why did the bagel refuse to go to the bakery sale? It was tired of getting half-baked deals!
  17. What did the bagel say to the croissant during a romantic dinner? “You’re flaky but I still love you!”
  18. Why did the bagel apply for a job at the brewery? It wanted to be the hop-yeast liaison!
  19. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of literature? Doughcumentaries, because they’re always full of twists and turns!
  20. Why did the bagel hire a personal trainer? It wanted to get that perfect ‘bun’ shape!
  1. Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little more well-rounded!
  2. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Poppyseed!
  3. How does a bagel greet its friends? With a lox and a smile!
  4. Why was the bagel always calm? It knew how to roll with it!
  5. What’s a bagel’s favorite movie genre? A rom-com, because it loves a good doughy love story!
  6. Why don’t bagels ever argue? They always see the hole picture!
  7. What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You really know how to heat things up!”
  8. Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It was tired of all the glazing over their problems!
  9. What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “You complete me!”
  10. Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? It wanted to reach the highest shelf and be the top bun!
  11. What did one bagel say to the other during a race? “Let’s not loaf around, we knead to finish this!”
  12. Why did the bagel go to outer space? It wanted to be the first bread in orbit!
  13. What did the bagel say to the breadstick? “You’re really on a stick-y situation!”
  14. Why did the bagel refuse to play hide and seek? It knew it would be found in a ‘bread’ place!
  15. What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? The twist and dough-si-do!
  16. Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It couldn’t handle the schmear pressure!
  17. What did the bagel say to the croissant about their math test? “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, we’re both well-rounded!”
  18. Why was the bagel always calm? It knew how to roll with the punches!
  19. What’s a bagel’s favorite board game? Trivial Pursuit, because it loves a good everything question!
  20. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby!

  1. Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It just wasn’t spreading enough love!
  2. What’s a bagel’s favorite pickup line? “Are you a bagel? Because you’ve got me feeling hole-y!”
  3. How does a bagel flirt? It says, “You’re the cream cheese to my bagel, the sesame to my seed!”
  4. Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little more well-rounded in life!
  5. What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread? “You’re a little crusty, but I’m the one with a hole lot of charm!”
  6. Why was the bagel so confident? Because it knew it was the ‘bread’ winner of every meal!
  7. What did the bagel say when it fell in love? “You’ve stolen a pizza my heart, but I’m a hole lot happier with you!”
  8. Why did the bagel blush? Because it saw the cream cheese spreading on thick!
  9. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of love song? A dough-uet that’s both sweet and savory!
  10. Why did the bagel refuse to go on a date? It didn’t want to be toasted by rejection!
  11. What’s a bagel’s favorite romantic movie? “50 Shades of Grain,” because it’s all about that whole love!
  12. Why did the bagel write a love letter? Because it couldn’t contain its fillings any longer!
  13. What did the bagel say to the croissant during a romantic dinner? “You’re flaky but I still love you!”
  14. Why did the bagel get jealous of the muffin? Because it saw the way the muffin was muffin’ on up to the butter!
  15. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of date? A bagel and schmear, because it’s simple yet satisfying!
  16. Why did the bagel propose to the cream cheese? Because it couldn’t imagine a life without that perfect spread!
  17. What did the bagel say to the waffle at the breakfast buffet? “You’re square, but I’m the one with all the roundness!”
  18. Why did the bagel go to the bakery on Valentine’s Day? To find its other half and create the perfect match!
  19. What did the bagel say to the cinnamon roll? “You’re sweet, but I’m a little more savory!”
  20. Why did the bagel bring a bouquet of flowers to the dinner party? To show it had a ‘dough’ for all occasions!

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